Life is so complicated. Who are we to understand it?

2005-10-10T20:42:00.000-04:00

Screw Blogger! D=< Go to my sheezy! It's got my new journal postings AND some of my craptacular art!! Go!! D=< Or I'll sick the kitty on j00!! D=<
http://rennifer.sheezyart.com

2005-06-30T03:06:00.000-04:00

You know I STILL need to redo my blog layout...oh well XP I been playing video games a lot since I don't get to see Scott a lot and I'm often home alone (teh sux0rz) I could get online more...But I'd rather play video games...I mean sometimes I like being online to talk to certain people and then there's those people I'd just rather avoid. Ya know what I mean? Anyway so if you guys ever wanna talk to me when I'm not online (which I probably won't be a lot) then you should call me or email me. I answer calls more often but I've started checking my email occasionally :P

My email is sable3335@bellsouth.net and if you don't know my phone number then email me and I'll send you an email back telling you what it is. I just don't wanna post it on the internet where everyone can see it XP

All right well it's pretty late and I'm kinda tired so I'm gonna hit the hay for now or play video games...whichever works better.
Ciao! -Ren ^^;;

2005-06-18T15:45:00.000-04:00

AHH! Oh my god...Scott's made me into a *gasp* CARING PERSON!!! I actually help people with their problems now instead of thinking (why bother? it's not my problem...) o.O Weird....

2005-05-31T09:01:00.000-04:00

I _______ Ren.
Ren is ________.
I want to ________ Ren.
I wish I had Ren's________.
Ren needs ________.
I think Ren should ________.
Without Ren I think I would ________.
I'm glad I know Ren because __________.
The best thing about Ren is ________.
Someday Ren will ________ .
Ren says ________ a lot.
My first impression of Ren was ________.

Fill this out in the chatterbox because you love me and it will sway me into making more posts (because we all know how much you people love reading about my sexy life ^_~ :P). Make it unique and funny and you get a cookie :D

2005-05-31T08:03:00.000-04:00

Oh my god!! She's actually making another post! :o *gasp*
Yeah that's right Ren made another post, a lot's happened since the last one.

School's out now and I miss a lot of my friends from back at DC that I won't see next year at Stanton. Like Rachel Emery, Josh Tallee, Jennifer (everyone knows who she is :P), Jacob (aka: Bam Bam the Afro Man :D), and a bunch of other cool people...but on the bright side I do have a lot of friends who will be at Stanton with me :)

Not a lot has happened thus far over the summer. I've been playing Guildwars A LOT. That game is soooo addicting >.<;; Scottie and I are still together and happy as ever ^.^ and our 6 month anniversary is coming up :3 I'm so excited! ^.^

And on another good note...I got a kitten!! :D I saved it, it was outside crying outside my window without a mother or anything and i felt soooo bad, I love cats so much. I couldn't just let it stay there and suffer, so Scott came over and helped me catch it ^^;; It's so cute. We named it Socrates and I think it likes me already ^_^

Anyway I think my plans for the rest of this week will be to give my kitty attention, draw (I really wanna work on Youkai Quest and Silent Gun :/ I hope to one day make Youkai Quest into an actual video game ^_^), play lots and lots of video games (I'm addicted, what can I say? :P), maybe do a little swimming, watch my new Fraggle Rock DVD (2 down, one more to get :D), hang out with Roo and Ali, and go to the mall sometime soon cause Ali has something she wants to get and I wanna see if I can find a Do As Infinity CD anywhere cause if not I'll have to buy it online (and the kitty seems to have taken a liking to Japanese music as well =^.^=)

This weekend we're going to Disney World for a day for my cousin's birthday. I'm real excited but I'm worried about the kitten, I might see if Rachel (Roo) can come take care of it for the day we're gone ^^;; I trust her with anything, even my life, so I think she can take good care of my kitty ^^;; Plus she loves cats.

Anyway my kitten is meowing so I'm gonna go give him some attention and maybe some food if he's hungry :P I probably won't post again for a while (as usual) especially considering I barely go online anymore, but you guys all know my phone number so you can call whenever you like ^_^ Love ya! -Ren

2005-04-17T19:28:00.000-04:00

Dude Friday was a freaking hilarious day! Well...Mostly just in gym...Since it was freeday in gym, me, Rae, Jennifer, Jacob, Jonny, Pim, and the rest of the usual gang went and sat in the "sex circle" which some refer to as the "virgin sacrifice circle" (it's a long story, don't ask). So anyway, first we all took our shoes off for some crazy reason, then Jonny was burning his initials into the bottom of his shoe with a magnifying glass! XD Then I learned that Jacob has a thing for red heads o.o And because of this fact, he wanted Rae and I to sit in his lap, but then he was like "Oh wait, you have Scott...Dammit!" XD Then I took the magnifying glass from Jonny and started burning holes in a piece of paper and then Jacob took it and did the same thing, but he set the paper on fire! XD (Reminds me of that time Bri spent the night and we were playing with vasoline, paper, fire, and fern leaves XD) Then Jacob took out rolled up pieces of paper from his pockets and they looked like joints! (Thank goodness they weren't!) So then he started lighting them and he, Kat, Summer, and some other people were smoking the freaking paper! XD What idiots XD Awesomely funny idiots that are my friends, but idiots none the less.

Okay, so Rae came home with me that night and we got all dressed up and did eachother's hair and makeup for no apparent reason, but it was still fun ^_^ Then Rae took me to Tishanda's (or however you spell it) xanga or blog or something and showed me a post she wrote about how lucky I am to have Scott and not to let him go and blah blah blah. Yeah, I am pretty damn lucky to have someone as great as Scott, and I just hope that everyone can find the happiness we've found. I don't know if we'll be together forever and get married or whatever, but I know that right now I couldn't be happier ^_^ Heh...What Tishanda said reminded me of when two random preps went up to Scott at lunch (he was with Rachel Emery and some other people cause i was talking to Rae about something important). Anyway they were like "Hey you're dating that one goth chick Lauren, right?" (Goth?! How the hell am I goth? LMAO! XD And people still call me Lauren? That's odd...) Scott was like "Yeah..." and they were like "Do you love her?" and he was like "Yeah..." And they were like "I hear you two make out in the French room before 7th period" and he was like "WTF? I barely even see Ren..Lauren...whatever you wanna call her, between 6th and 7th period! We walk together to the gym, hug, and then we each go to our classes, that's it! We don't do that...At school!" ("wtf" is right...What Scott said is absolutely 100% true and we've got witnesses such as Rachel, Rae, Josh, and Austin to prove it. I guess I thank Brittany Nordsiek [spelling...whatever] for that lovely little rumor. I don't know that she started it for sure, but just about everyone says she did.) Anyway...that same day three preps came up to me in in gym and said "You're going out with that one guy...right?" and I'm like "Yeah..." and they're like "What was his name?" and i said "Scott...?" And they said "Yeah! How long have you guys been dating?" and I was like "About four months..." and they were like "Wow! Do you love him?" and I was like "Yeah..." and they were like "Aww...!!" ...How do people I don't even know know about me and Scott dating?! >.o Not that I don't want them to know...It's just weird is all...

Anyway, on Saturday I went on an organizing spree and organized my whole room since I now have a spiffy new desk to put stuff on ^_^ Now my room feels all sparkly clean! yay! ^_^ Also, I'm borrowing this hilarious shirt from Andy, those of you going on the Runic's end of the year trip to Islands of Adventure will get the pleasure of seeing it XP

Anyway, then today (Sunday) I watched Reefer Madness with Ali and Susan, and it is so freaking hilarious!! Like beyond the point of being able to describe it! And Scottie came back from Mt. Dora (central Florida) today! I'm so happy! I missed him. Anyway, on Wednesday the 20th I'm finally getting that thing removed from my ear, some weird scar or something. It's just a coincidence that April 20th also happens to be National Smoke Out Day XD

Anyway I'm gonna go chill with Ali and Susan and play some video games. Catch ya later!

2005-04-13T22:22:00.000-04:00

I got into Stanton, w00t! ^_^ And now...Since I've been having such a good week, I'm not going to ruin it by being a dumbass and not doing my homework...So if you'll excuse me I have math to do and a Science Fair presentation to prep for.

2005-04-11T10:22:00.000-04:00

I talked to Bri the other day, I haven't talked to her in a really long time. I miss her, we had some awesomely fun times together...Like when we locked ourselves in my mom's trunk, or when we almost set my neighbor's lawn on fire XD Brianne is so awesome. I miss a lot of my old friends. Bri was talking about how I hardly ever update anymore and I'm barely ever online, and then yesterday Scott mentioned that i don't go online to talk to any of my online friends anymore...I wonder why that is?

Just a head's up, on Wednesday April 13th, I won't be talking because it's the day of silence. It's where lots of people go the whole day without talking to stand up for gay, lesbian, and bisexual rights; the silence represents how they've had to be silent for so long or else society would look down on them. You don't have to be gay, lesbian, or bisexual to do it, just do it if you believe in their rights. Anyway, just thought I'd give you all a warning.

2005-04-04T19:17:00.000-04:00

I hate being sad...But I can't help it. I wish it would go away, I don't want people seeing me sad...

2005-03-27T15:30:00.000-05:00

Yup...Spring Break is almost over...If you're wondering, I agreed to go to the Easter service and read for my family...Even though I felt like shit because I've been sick, a few days ago I had a raging fever.

I did get to see Scott, and he even spent the night, but that's because his mom broke her foot and she didn't want to leave him alone. Basically he and I played Silent Hill until the wee hours of the morning and then we watched Fraggle Rock to get our minds off of the scary video game. (By the way, Fraggle Rock is freaking hilarious!!!) Then he went to sleep on one couch and I went to sleep on a different one. The next day we wall papered the living room all day (which was the main reason Scott's mom let him come over, so he could work some more) and we each got payed 20 dollars.

After that is when I had the fever and I slept for 24 hours straight. I hate being sick...Then I played Fable (a video game Scott's letting me borrow) and it was freaking fun! Too bad I died and forgot to save and I dont feel like playing all the way over from the last auto save...Maybe another time.

It's Easter today and my parents apparantly have something to give me and Ali but they haven't yet, it's been kind of a hectic couple of days for them so I can understand them wanting some rest. My Nana gave us each 10 dollars (getting richer by the day :P) And then I went to work on the bottle rocket project. Susie went to England over Spring Break so she couldn't help me with it. Normally I'd be upset but it was a really easy project and she had this England trip planned since like...the beginning of the school year, so it's okay.

And now I'm sitting here posting...I don't know why...I feel sort of out of it, probably some remnants of the fever (hope I'm better by tomorrow) I have another Japanese class coming up soon and I'm debating whether or not to go...I haven't gone to the last two, but my mom payed for it and everyone from the class says they miss me...I guess it'll depend on how I'm feeling on Tuesday. Anyway...I think I'm gonna go rot my brains on some more video games...

Dance your cares away, worries for another day! Let the music play, down in Fraggle Rock!! ^^;;

2005-03-23T14:26:00.000-05:00

So far Spring Break has sucked...
I haven't gotten to spend even one day with Scott and I have nothing better to do.

Now like almost everyone is pressuring me into going back to church. My mom and dad want me to do the family reading with them on Easter "Oh it'll be the first family reading for the Easter service in the history of the church" and everyone in the youth group wants me to go back to the youth group....My parents say I can make my own decision but they keep saying things like "It'll mean a lot to us if you do it" and that makes me feel bad cause I know I'll dissapoint them if I don't...And I mean I wanna do what makes me happy...But whenever I try to I feel like I'm hurting someone else, it sucks so much.

Well now that that's off my chest, I'm going to go think a few things over...

2005-03-19T15:48:00.000-05:00

I'M BA-ACK!!

That's right people, Ren is now back living at her house for good ^_^
I actually got back a few days ago but my keyboard was broken and I only recently got a new one.
You can now call me on my house line, Ali and my line, or my cell phone (yes I got a new one).
FCAT testing is over and yesterday was Pi day...even though it was really on the 14th but we had a science FCAT that day so they moved it to the following Friday. It was awesome! And now it's officially Spring Break ^_^

Over Spring Break I hope to accomplish a few crazy things (like dressing Scott up as a girl...Muahahahaha! >:D) And when I say crazy things...I mean just those things you do with your friends that make you laugh uncontrallably ^_^ Those are the best times. Also over Spring Break we'll be doing some family bonding stuff and the best part about spring break is...I have absolutely nothing to do for school!! YAY!! ^_^

I think I know why I haven't been as crazy as usual...A lot of stuff's been on my mind but I do feel a lot happier ever since Scott's mom helped me with a few emotional issues. I also think my new dosage of Adderall has something to do with the lack of craziness. But, yeah...Things are starting to get back to normal.

We went to blockbuster recently and rented "White Castle" "Anchorman" and "Soul Plane" and also "Mortal Kombat: Deception" for x-box (since Scott is letting me borrow his so i can play Silent Hill 4: The Room). I'd have to say the funniest movie was "White Castle" ^_^ and soon we're gonna have andy and scott over and ali and I are gonna watch my new fraggle rock dvd with them. That's right, I said "Fraggle Rock" ^_^ For our 2 month aniversarry Scottie got me a Fraggle Rock DVD, it was so sweet ^_^ and I got to go to the mall and buy Ai Yori Aoshi numbers 6 and 7 and A.I. Love You number 1 (since Raquel already got me number 5 ^_^)

But anyway, I think the biggest benefit I got out of living with Scott is a new outlook on life. Each and every day I can change myself to become a better person. I will always strive to do the best I can at everything I do, and put everything I have into it. And most importantly, there's no reason to be depressed about life, because no matter what the situation is, there is always something you can do to make that situation better so that it's not as grim for you.

It's like that Incubus song "Drive"

Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear

And I cant help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer

It's driven me before, it seems to have a vague

Haunting mass appeal

Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel

So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive

Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh

It's driven me before, it seems to be the way

That everyone else get around

Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there

With open arms and open eyes yeah

Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there

Would you choose water over wine

Hold the wheel and drive

So yeah...That's about it, and while I'm in this thoughtful mood I'm going to go write a Thank You note to Scott's mom, trying to describe how greatful I am to her, even though words alone could never express my gratitude.

2005-03-08T10:51:00.000-05:00

Wow...I was just reading over my friend's blogs which I haven't done in a long time because I've been kinda..Busy I guess is what you'd call it...But anyway, I realized just how much I miss all of them. Especially Sergio, Crystal, Roo Roo, and Cody. Crys moved about a year or so ago and I haven't seen her since and I haven't even talked to her in a while, she was such an awesome person, so much in common with me. I'm sure if she still lived here we'd be the best of friends. Cody I just don't talk to much anymore. Roo Roo and I are really busy with school right now so we haven't been able to organize another get together with Cody and the rest of the gang for a real long time. Hopefully maybe we can do something over spring break...I miss those guys. And Sergio...Man oh man...I haven't talked to him since I moved in with Scott. Granted, because he lives in Scotland I don't ever actually get to see him but we'd talk online all the time. He's one of the best friends a girl could have...I hope I get to talk to him again soon.

I guess basically what I miss the most is just all the fun and crazy times my friends and I used to have. I miss having time to be with them too. But now highschool is coming up and school's getting harder and I have new friends, more friends, not necisarily better friends, just more.

I've been spending a lot of time with Scott, which is understandable considering we now live together. And, don't get me wrong, Scott's a great guy but I just miss my other friends too. I don't think I'm quite as crazy with Scott as I am with Rachel or Cody or Kylie and McKynlie or Daryl or Crys or Rae. I'm not sure exactly why...I'm not really as crazy as that with any of my school friends...I guess I'm just not as close to them. But that still doesn't explain why I'm not crazy with Alice or Scott...I'm really close to them, like as close as I am to Rachel or Rae or anyone else...Maybe with Alice it's cause I don't have as much in common with her and I only see her at school which is usually when I'm all worn out. But Scott...I dunno...Maybe just a lot of the stuff that's been going on lately has worn me out...Or maybe our relationship has gotten more personal than it has friendly, which is fine. But I wanna be crazy again...I don't care who it's with but I wanna be crazy! You know, like go to the mall and kick ass at video games and run around drooling at all the manga in the book store and joke around with the people who work at the video game stores (cause they're just generically cool like that).

Scott and I are going to the mall later today, maybe I'll be crazy then. I plan on stock piling on some more manga and he wants to get Silent Hill 4 and maybe after that we can go play video games or some such dealie.

I don't know why but lately I've been reading a lot of manga and listening to a lot of Japanese music and I've had an itch to write or draw or read manga or watch anime or play video games...Like RPG ones...not fighting ones or simplistic mario and kirby ones...I guess that means my creative juices are flowing again ^_^ I've noticed that whenever i get real creative I listen to a lot of Japanese music and read a lot of manga, it's fun. I hope to be exactly like that when I grow up, like for my job. Be real creative, read manga for research and inspiration, listen to Japanese music to set the mood, draw to get some ideas out on paper, and write to bring those ideas to full bloom, and then play RPGs to take a break. That's exactly how I'd do my work if I became a manga-ka/voice actress like I've always wanted to ^_^ Speaking of which (I'm not sure exactly how this ties in...but...) I've got more Japanese classes starting next Tuesday ^_^

FCAT yesterday was...blah...I think I was like the only person who got 5 long response and 2 short response...Are they trying to murder me? T.T Today was supposed to be the math FCAT but neither Scott's nor my alarm clock went off so we all slept in 'til 7:30 and since Scott's mom had a house to paint my mom came and picked us up and we're at my house right now. All I've got to do is my brochure for Ms. Kutchman (as a make-up assignment) and write 100 sentences for Scott's mom (as punishment for Scott and I breaking the rule of not being the the bedroom together and/or closing the door to the bedroom).

I think I'll be back living at my house sometime next week, but I'm not sure. Living with Scott has been fun and I'm sure I'll miss him when I move back in to my house but it'll also be nice to be with my family again and see my precious little sugar-pie (Garvey, my kitty XD) We might also be getting a dog sometime soon ^_^ Yay!! ^_^ Anyway I should probably get going so I can do my brochure and get ready to go to the mall. I feel acomplished though, I haven't had a post that actually said what's on my mind in a while, because normally when stuff is on my mind I'm not near a computer and I forget when I do get near one :P Anyway...I love you all! And I'll let you know as soon as I get a new cell phone, but until then you can email me at sable3335@bellsouth.net Bye bye ^_^

2005-03-06T19:01:00.000-05:00

This weekend was...interesting...
On Thursday some things happened with my sister that I'm not allowed to talk about without the attorney present, we went to councelling and it's been determined that we need family councelling but I no longer need individual councelling (wooh!!)

Friday during 6th, 7th, and 8th period at school we helped organize one of the library's back rooms instead of going to class and it was fun! It was Jason Chang, Rae, Chris Wilson, Scott, and me. We got finished near the beginning of 8th so Ms. Buzby bought us all drinks and let us skip the rest of the period with her just hanging out, it was fun. Then, apparantly Scott's busdriver (my new bus driver) got beat up at James Weldon Johnson so we had to wait at school a long time for a sub bus and when we got home Scott's uncle picked us up and took us to his house. We were supposed to stay the weekend there but some things happened with my sister (that I can't talk about without the attorney present) so we went to my house for the weekend, which made my mom really happy. We hung out in my room and watched the Fushigi Yuugi box set all weekend, and yet somehow we're still not finished with it >.< It's a really long series.

Saturday was nothing special, watched Fushigi Yuugi all day. Sunday morning some...interesting things happened...But I'm not going to go into detail about them because they're personal...so nyah XP Later, Sunday afternoon, we had a food fight and we got all sorts of messy! It was hilarious! XD Took forever to get all the peanut butter and stuff outta my hair...

I don't know whether I've mentioned this before or not, but the main reason I went to church was to please my parents. Well I finally informed them of this and they understand my views and have agreed to let me try Buddhism...So now I'm a Buddhist ^_^ Scott's teaching me everything there is to know about it...And it's not so much a religion as it is a way of life.

One more thing before I go, my mom asked me to change my blog address because someone from church got a hold of it and my mother feels it's an invasion of my privacy seeing as this was only supposed to be for friends and people i dont know that live on the other side of the world, and I completely agree. So hopefully sometime this week I'll be changing it and I'll let all my friends know what it is. Mind you, I won't be posting it in here because that would defeat the whole purpose of getting a new address in the first place :P

Anyway I have some homework I need to finish up. Email me if you wanna talk, seeing as I lost my cell phone and I don't know when I'll be getting a new one :/
Seeya! ^^

2005-02-26T17:13:00.000-05:00

ATTENTION!!!

REN NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT GOES ON A READER'S RESPONSE FORM!!!

If you know please email me at sable3335@bellsouth.net or call my cell (728-7342) or call Scott (646-1778) and ask for Scott or Ren. Please do this ASAP!!
Thanks a million.

2005-02-24T19:37:00.000-05:00

Hidey ho...Some stuff has happened...
Like for instance (as many of you are already aware) I am now going back to school ^^ Hip hip hoorah! Blah -.- But anyway that's all because I'm now living with Scott.

Now I know what you're all thinking "Oh my god they are shacking up!" Well...we're not. It's kind of a long story but basically since my dad gets angry easily and when he gets angry he gets violent, therefor Scott's mom took me in for a while. We're not sure how long this thing is going to last, so far it's for two weeks. Scott's mom wants to help me out with my depression and what not and if it works out I might be staying here until summer.

And Scott just got done giving me a hickey...o.o And I just gave him one ^^ Muahahahaha! I rule >.> So anyways....Two muffins were sitting in an oven and the first muffin says to the other one "Man it's hot in here," And the second muffin looks over to the first and says "Holy shit!! A talking muffin!!"

But anyway...Now I'm living with Scott and I won't be online for a REALLY long time. I'll still be checking my emails and I can email you back so if you need to contact me outside of school you can call my cell, call Scott (although I don't reccomend it unless you know him personally), or you can email me at sable3335@bellsouth.net

And now Scott's mom has left us home alone so I have some things I need to take care of. (no i don't plan on "getting it on"...At least not until after the date rape pills >.>) -insert Scott laughing evily here as he reads over my shoulder- VIDEO GAMES AHOY!!! :D

2005-02-20T23:51:00.000-05:00

Okay dude!! XD Today was freaking awesome!! Scott and I stayed up all night together on the phone and the only time we got off was so we could both shower and get dressed and such so I could go pick him up. After I did I took him back to my house and we played Guildwars (which he loves! XD) until we had to leave for the concert, my first concert.

It was so awesome. We got there and immediately went for the mosh pits. We tried to stay away from the real violent ones and I didn't let Scott talk me into crowd surfing cause I woulda gotten my ass kicked even more than I already had in the mosh pits. I have a black eye now! XD This is awesome!! XD And Then some guy lit up a joint right next to us and someone else did right behind us and I ran into Spikes...Dude he was like freaking stalking me or something. Everywhere we went, he went. And whenever I looked over in his direction he was staring at me...::shivers:: nasty...But anyway then Scott and I got stuck in the middle of like three freaking mosh pits and my asthma started to kick in because the only air I got was either cigarette smoke, joint smoke, or body odor, I needed some fresh air!! So I grabbed Scott and pulled him the fuck out of there, and it's a good thing too cause right after we got out there was this big fist fight.

But after that he and I took a small nap together on a blanket we brought ^^ Then it started to get dark and cold and bands started to suck so I called my mom and she came and picked us up. Then we came home and played strip poker! XD I don't know what the hell either of us was thinking...He saw me without a shirt on (still had a bra) and I saw him without a shirt or boxers on (still had his pants on XP) But then his mom called and I had to explain everything to her otherwise Scott woulda had his ass kicked by her because it's a school night and it was like 11pm (but that's when the concert ended anyway) but Scott's family loves me so she said as long as Scott gets up in the morning he should be okay ^^ I felt like it was my fault so I had to defend him...

Dude...Scott and my eyes are both REALLY dialated...he and I are both freaked the fuck out that we mighta gotten high or something....Cause I mean with all those people you can never tell, I mean shit, I almost lost my virginity to someone's elbow in the mosh pits...They are so awesome!! XD I'm sore all over now!! It's great!! I can't wait to mosh to something like Skindred or Korn or Mindless Self Indulgence or Incubus ^^ It's gonna be so awesome!! XD

Anyway I'm really fucking tired and sore...I'm gonna go get some shut eye. And sorry about all the cussing...I don't know why I'm doing it, I normally don't...I think it has something to do with recent events I'm just too tired right now to narrow it down, Night night ^^

2005-02-19T01:37:00.000-05:00

Okay...Well...A lot of shit has happened that most of you don't know about...I know I haven't been posting lately...But i have good reason not to....There's just so much going on...I was confused for the longest time...But things are better now so I think I owe to you guys to explain some things...

Well first a few weeks ago my dad and I got into a worse fight than we ever have before and i ran out of the house crying hysterically...I didn't know what I was thinking, I just knew I had to show him how he's been making me feel; I tried telling him, I tried writing it to him, I tried getting others to tell it to him...Nothing worked up until this. My mom called the police and they talked to me blah blah blah but they don't know anything...And no I'm not being some self absorbed emo teenager...My dad "abused" me, both physically and mentally. I didn't wanna tell anyone important cause I didn't wanna get him in trouble...I mean he is my dad after all.

But anyway after that I took a week long break from school and I really missed Scott, but it help. Then I came back to school on Valentine's Day and Scott gave me the best present ever. It was a gold necklace with a heart on it and in the heart was black and white stones of some sort I think onyx and crystal...but black and white are my favorite colors, and he even remembered that I'm allergic to anything but gold ^_^ I got him a CD and some boxers that his mom didn't know about (it was a joke) but his mom found them and we're pretty sure she's going to ask a lot of questions soon XD

But anyway so after one day at school I went into mental breakdown mode again and it sucked and my parents were ready to send me to a mental institute cause I wouldn't talk at all for two days. Finally my sister got me to talk and tell her what's up and stuff, but now they're making me take more happy pills (I thought I got rid of those T.T) And as a result of this mental instability I'm now being home-schooled...Still Darnell Cookman curriculum but now just at home, and yes, hopefully I'll be going to Stanton next year still. I'm hoping to work something out where Scott can come over every day after school cause I'll miss him so much ^^

Anyway so on Sunday I'm going to Taste of Chaos with Scott, It'll be my first concert ^^ He's trying to get me to crowd-surf but I'm too chicken XD and today Scott and I hung out all day because the people at school went on a field trip that Scott wasn't going on so he stayed home and his mom let me hang out at their house all day, it was fun. Scott's 4-year-old cousin keeps hitting on me, it's hilarious XD He got a scrape on his chin and he wanted me to kiss it and make it better, and he gave me flowers, and he asked me if I was a model XD It was so cute. Scott and I played Video Games most of the time and I'm hoping that he can come over early on Sunday so I can play Guildwars with him cause he's wanted to for a while now.

I've been working on character re-designs for Youkai Quest and I gotta tell ya...It sure sooths my itch to draw ^^ Anyway that's what I've been doing over the past couple of weeks, and now I'm gonna go play video games or something. Seeya ^^

2005-02-16T17:05:00.000-05:00

Sorry I haven't posted much lately...I don't like to post when I'm sad cause then I sound like a whiney emo bitch...But I've been sad lately...Blah blah blah....

I don't want an STD XD

2005-02-11T20:08:00.000-05:00

[01] Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
[02] I will then tell what song[s] remind me of you.
[03] Next, I will tell you who you remind me of, celebrity/animated or otherwise.
[04] Last, i will try to name a single word that best describes you
[05] Put this in your blog. (if you dont, you'll get an STD and die)

I'm too young to die from an STD T.T XD

Lent

2005-02-10T14:56:00.000-05:00

What Ren's giving up for Lent : Drinking her favorite type of soda

Yes Ren is speaking in third person....Ren thinks it's going to be hard to not drink grape soda anymore T.T

Le Pain

2005-02-09T20:00:00.000-05:00

LE PAIN!!!

2005-02-06T10:38:00.000-05:00

Gomen ne, watashi wa kanashige na desu...

2005-02-04T15:35:00.000-05:00

Ser...gio...

Midnight Fantasy

2005-02-03T21:30:00.000-05:00

Scott came over after school today. He and I both got in trouble on my afternoon bus now that my bus driver's gone insane. He got in trouble for not having a note (even though he had one a while ago to allow him to ride the bus as needed) and I got in trouble for sitting with him because apparantly girls are no longer allowed to sit with boys and visa versa (although no one informed me of this...). I cried on the bus...But it was out of happiness...I'm not sure exactly why...I was just listening to Sergio and my song and it made me extremely happy ^_^

After Scott and I got home we were supposed to be painting our boomerangs but that never seemed to happen...We went to the store to buy paint but they didn't have any so we just got sand paper to help me to finish shaping my boomerang. Then we came home and had dinner and layed on my bed and goofed around a bit after dinner. Then after about 15 minutes of silliness my dad took us to another store where we found paint. Unfortunately, when we got back Scott's uncle was waiting for him so we had to hurry up and put his base coat on and he could finish it when he got home. It was nothing out of the ordinary for most of the time...except that Scott seemed a bit more...friendly...He put his hand on my chest at one point, put his head in my chest at one point (to demonstrate a point to prove me wrong), had a boner, and on the way out he grabbed my ass. It was like something every teenage girl dreams about at one point or another in her life time: The handsome boy falling for her and slowly but surely making her feel like she belongs. It was a good feeling...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

School today wasn't much different...I avoided the math test because I was absent yesterday and therefor did not get the study guide and the science test got moved to next wednesday, so it's all good. The power went out last night so no one's alarm went off and we were all late to get up and go to school. When I arrived at school we had apparantly started the day in 5th period research and Mr. Douthette's research class and Ms. Johnson's research class were in the same room. Scott and I are in those two classes, he in Ms. Johnson and I in Mr. Douthette. We had the opportunity to sit together but because I arrived late someone had already taken residence in all of the seats near Scott. I sat in the back and finally started reading that manga Rachel got me for Christmas, so far it's pretty good ^_^

All in all I can say the day was okay...I missed Sergio a lot of the day but I had Scott to keep me company, Rae wasn't at school today and in gym we had free day so I didn't get to sit and talk with her like we normally do but Pim and Justin and I had out own little interesting conversations ^^, I got to spend time with Scott after school but now I have a mess of homework, make-up work, projects, and other various school related things that all have to be done by the end of the night. Now all I wish for is for Sergio to show up out of nowhere and whisk me away from all of this stress and madness...
~*~ Like a Midnight Fantasy... ~*~

2005-02-01T22:59:00.000-05:00

I feel lonely...:(

2005-01-31T16:59:00.000-05:00

Ahg...so tired...Actually pulled off the all nighter last night...So tired...

On the plus side, I have all my make-up math work done, the first script for Silent Gun has been given to the artist, and there's a French field trip tomorrow. On the down side this Friday is a science test, this Thursday is a math test, and the boomerang project is also due this Friday. I'm so busy...Ahh...Damn February and it's busy-ness...It's like a repeat of December...Make it stop!! >.<;;

This weekend is my Grandma's birthday, soon after is Raquel's "birthday", then next weekend is my Dad's birthday and the monday after that is Valentine's day...I swear I'm gonna be so broke....T.T

Pim needs me to fix her computer this weekend so that's pretty much the extent of my weekend plans (Pim's house and Nana's birthday...Oh and shopping for Raquel's gift and maybe Dad's.) This damn boomerang project is consuming all my after-school hours...Damn Ms. Bitch-dillo!!! DAMN HER!! >.<;; Tonight it's pretty much boomerang, math homework, and sleep. Tomorrow is the French field trip (thank god) and Japanese class, and I have to straighten my hair for Wednesday's Spring pictures...bleck...::sigh:: I hate getting my picture taken...

Wednesday is the pictures, then the boomerang project and whatever else homework I have and that's about it. Then Thursday is the math test, finishing touches on boomerang and blue prints, and perhaps Scott coming over to work on it with me. We'll probably study for that infernal science test together too. I hate school -.-

Friday will be the science test and the boomerang project will be due and that's about it...Then Saturday'll probably be the day I go to fix Pimmy's computer ^^ I'll probably go shopping that day, too. Then Sunday will inevitably be my Nana's birthday celebration....Then another week of torture begins ::sigh::

I feel so stressed...Like there's not enough time to do everything I need to do AND be able to sleep...I doubt I'll be getting much sleep this week either...When do I ever get enough sleep? Heh...School is so stressful...I just wish I could have time for a normal social life AND school...but I don't...And as it is I'm not even a straight A student...I considered giving up on having a social life but then I'd just go into a deep depression and wanna die like I did last year XP Heh...

I'm sad enough as it is ^^ Heh...I dunno...I guess I just wish I could like myself more than I do...I mean sure I like my writing ability occasionally...And I like my maturity...But sometimes I don't like the way I act...and I don't want to act like that...but then if I don't people start to ask a lot of questions...I dunno...I guess I occassionally change personalities anyway...heh

I remember last year I used to hate myself so much that I'd wear nothing but baggy t-shirts and baggy jeans...I guess this year's wardrobe isn't much different...Heh...^^ I pretty much hate my appearance more than anything...And I know that's like an average teenage thing...I just wish it wasn't...Fucking hormones :P Oh well...one of these days I'll look the way I wanna...Until then I'll just have to deal....

Anyway my dad and I need to go pick up the supplies for the boomerang project so I'll post later...yeah there'll still be a Japanese lesson this week...hopefully...I'll try guys but I don't know...If nothing else then definately on Friday :P

2005-01-30T21:40:00.000-05:00

Lesse...Friday I didn't do much...I was real tired so I went to bed early. Saturday I did nothing all day ^^ It was fun. I talked to Sergio most of the day and then watched anime ^_^

Today I got up and watched some TV and then I took a shower and got dressed cause Scott was coming over so we could go to Starbuck's. When he got here apparantly I went "OCD" (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) again because I was running around like crazy trying to clean my room before he could see it. Then we walked to Starbuck's and drank Frappacinos ^^ While we were there we ran into Ali and Susan. On the way out we met up with Scott's parents who offered us all a ride home. They have a truck so we all sat in the truck bed, it was great! ^^ Then Scott went home and almost forgot his guitar again, but I reminded him. Then his mom took pictures of me and him (god I hate having my picture taken) and I was smiling real big and I hate my smile >.<;; So now she's gonna show it to everyone X.x meep...

After Scott was gone Susan, Ali, and I went to Susan's and played PS2. We played Boulder's Gate the whole time, it's this awesome RPG. Ali left about halfway through to go wait for her boyfriend to show up and then realized she had a paper to write so she couldn't come back. Susan and I got really far and then we ate dinner and then we got even farther. We got all the way to the second level of the Crypt where we have to defeat this evil orb thing before it turns us all into the living dead. But then it was like 10pm so she had to go do her homework and I came home. We'll probably continue again soon ^_^ It was so much fun!

I know I was supposed to do a Japanese lesson this weekend but I'm just too damn lazy to right now. I might do it later tonight since I'll probably be pulling an all-nighter, but if I don't get to it tonight I'll surely do it tomorrow.

Oh, I just remembered like all of Friday, lol. Well the academic classes went as normal. Make up test in History, notes in Science, and some other shit...OH SHIT!! WE HAVE TWO BOOK TESTS TOMORROW!! Crap...I'm such a ditz sometimes XP Well anyway...We said smurf all day instead of cussing, it was fun. I had an orange at lunch and Scott had to peel it for me cause I don't know how XD But anyway, it was messy and squirted all over Scott, Rachel (my stripper XD, not Roo), Josh (not Spector, Tallee) and me. It got all over my fingers and I was sucking it off and Scott was telling a story and he goes, "Y'know...It's really hard to talk when you're doing that." XD It was hilarious! XD And then in French our substitute was Mr. Douthette, my science teacher! XD He just let us play around on the computers the whole time ^^ And then in gym Scott surprised me and showed up ^^ He asked his teacher if he could go to gym and she was just like "Yeah sure whatever" so our whole little group went to our usual gym hang out and I layed my head in Scott's lap but it was really breezy and my nose was cold and sand kept blowing in my face so I turned my face downward into scott's lap and everyone was like "Having fun?" cause it looked like I was trying to give him a blow job and I said "Shut up, it's warm!" and flipped them all off. It was fun ^^ Oh wait...maybe that all happened on Thursday...Ah whatever it happened and that's all that matters XP

Anyway I'm gonna go do some research for evil Ms. Badillo's boomerang project. Night night, all ^^

2005-01-27T21:10:00.000-05:00

Hmm...Stayed home sick Tuesday...Slept most of the day, Parents still think I'm a psychopathic liar....whatever...

Half day Wednesday...Nothing real exciting happened...Scott was out and Ms. Badillo was nice for a change...That's about it...

Today was the field trip thing to Stanton and Paxon. Paxon's presentation sucked and we didn't get to tour that school so that made me dislike it even more. Stanton's was okay but Co'Relous wasn't in it so that made me sad. Scott and I got our faces painted with the letters "SCP" in blue...I think it stands for Stanton College Preparatory, but we have some interesting theories of our own...heh...

Guitar club was cancelled, that sucked. But in a way it was cool cause my mom had to come pick me up and so she picked up Scott too and he came and hang out at our house until like 8:20-ish, we spent most of the time catching him up on (http://spacetree.keentoons.com/index.html) Space Tree the Space Tree in Space! and (http://fat-pie.com/salad.htm) Salad Fingers.

When we took him home he accidentally left his back pack in my mom's car but we took my dad's car...But that's okay cause he didn't need anything out of it...Or so he thought. He did remember his guitar and amp though, unfortunately he left them in my dad's trunk on accident. When he tried to get into his house he realized his key was in his back pack...So he tried to get in through a window but they were all closed so he ran down to his grandma's house and I believe he's there now...

My shirt was annoying today...It was too low cut..it kept coming down and like my bra was either showing or almost showing...but we had to wear something "nice" for the field trip, which really sucked. But there was no way in hell I was gonna wear a skirt so I put on a nice shirt and over-jacket thing...

But anyway...Tonight I gotta do my homework from Wednesday...I felt lazy last night so I didn't do it...But now I havta do it...I probably just take my pill and drink a bunch of caffine and pull an all nighter :/ but yeah...Dude...Also tonight I'm gonna try and force myself to work on Silent Gun, even though anime usually uses it's crafty ways to suck me into it >.<>.<>have been sleeping only about two hours a night this week...then again I did sleep like all day Tuesday cause of the fever...
Ah whatever...I'm gonna go do some thinking....Heh...I hope I cheer up by tomorrow...In this mood I don't think I'll be able to put on my usual facade of cheeriness and then we'll have all sorts of mess with people trying to cheer me up and stuff...heh ^^ Not that I don't appreciate it, it's just that when I'm feeling like this there are usually very few people who can actually cheer me up...there are people who can take my mind off of it temporarily, but very few who can actually cheer me up...so yeah...anyway I'm gonna go do that thinking now...Night guys

2005-01-24T17:20:00.001-05:00

Gomen-ne!! I'm so sorry!! I was supposed to do Japanese lessons this weekend but I totally spaced, being the ditz that I am ^_^U heh... But anyway, I'll do 'em now, better late than never ^_^ Plus if I fear Sammie's asian wrath XP (Just kidding Sammie, I love you XP) -Note: All lesson entries will be in red.-

What occured to me is that if you've never heard nor spoken Japanese before the pronunciation may be a little screwy, so I'll start with the alphabet and pronunciations. At the end of every lesson I plan to have a special treat for you guys (like a curse word or something) XP.

I'll start out by saying that there are three types of alphabets in the Japanese written language. They all have the same spoken letters and meanings so don't fret. The three are Hiragana, Katakana (which is generally used for foreign names and items), and Kanji. This is all quite complicated and something we're not going to get into right now.

In pronunciation certain things can be very different than what people who speak English are used to. There are some English sounds that don't exist in Japanese. (L, V, W etc.) but I'll try to explain things the best I can. All right, here we go with the alphabet.

a (ah) i (ee) u (oo) e (eh) o (oh)
ka (kah) ki (kee) ku (koo) ke (keh) ko (koh)
sa (sah) shi (shee) su (soo) se (seh) so (soh)
ta (tah) chi (chee) tsu (tsoo) te (teh) to (toh)
na (nah) ni (nee) nu (noo) ne (neh) no (noh)
ha (hah) hi (hee) fu (hoo) he (heh) ho (hoh)
ma (mah) mi (mee) mu (moo) me (meh) mo (moh)
ya (yah) yu (yoo) yo (yoh)
ra (lah) ri (lee) ru (loo) re (leh) ro (loh)
wa (wah)

Okay I know some of these look funny because their pronunciations seem nothing like their actual spelling. "Fu," for example is pronounced "hoo" because the Japanese don't really have an "F" sound they just have the letter F if you translate the words into English spelling. As for the R/L situation...The Japanese don't have an "R" sound but neither do they have an "L" sound. The letter R's pronunciation is a mixture of both R and L that leans more towards the L side. If you were going to try and spell it the way it sounds I guess you would spell the R as "Lr" having the L capitalized because it is the dominant sound. I know the alphabet looks a bit funny but that's the way it all is. Keep in mind these were just the basic sounds and that there are more (which I will cover later). All right, now let's put your new found pronunciation to the test.

Let's start with some common words:
Konnichiwa (Koh-n-nee-chee-wah) - Good afternoon or Hello [this is the common greeting in
Japan if you're just saying hello]

Arigato (Ah-Lree-gah-toh) - Thanks [this is the informal way of saying thank you]

Sayonara (Sah-yoh-nah-Lrah) - Good bye [this is usually used formally or in the place of
"farewell" meaning it would be a while before one sees the other again]

Ja ne (Jah neh) - Seeya! [very informal, usually used among friends]

And now for the special treat....*drumroll* Ta da!
Kuso - Oh shit! or Damn!

Of course there are other ways to say shit and damn but that's all you get to know for now ^_^ XP Stay tuned for next week's adventure! ;D XP

2005-01-21T18:52:00.000-05:00

Badillo (Bitch-dillo, Blob-dildo, Ba-dildo, Bitch-dildo, etc..) assigned a new project today T.T And it's due the 4 of February!! Who does she think we are?!! Nerds with no lives?! ...¬.¬ Shut it...
But anyway, Scott and I plan on working together on it, not on one individual one but just sit together and work on our own and offer help to eachother. Oh...yeah...The project is to build an elaborate boomerang T.T Save me...

Hmm...Alice's party is tomorrow, I can't wait! ^^ She'll be 13...My little baby is growing up so fast T.T *sniffle* (LOL XD...If you know the inside joke, you'll laugh XP) I hope she likes what I'm gonna give her...Some manga! Yay manga!! Rurouni Kenshin numbuh 3 and Real Bout High numbuh 2 ^^ And I scanned in some of her drawings (without her knowledge) and burned them to a CD (also without her knowledge) and I'm gonna give that to her as a little birthday surprise ^^ hehehe

This weekend I'm really gonna crack down...no more goofing off. -WORK ON YOUR DAMNED COMIC, REN!!- So that's what I'm gonna do...Work on my damned comic...XP Rocky is my new favorite character from Silent Gun...Of course half of you won't know who the hell that is XD Sorry guys XP

I have Scott's jacket and he has mine...Hehe ^^ He says my jacket is extremely comfy ^^ That's nice to hear ^_^ Me and mumzy-poo are supposed to pick him up for the party, which reminds me...I have to burn all those songs to my MP3 player for Alice or she'll kill me XD

I have but one more thing to say...:
HAPPY BUFDAY KOILEH!!!(Happy birthday Kylie) XD

Anyway, I'm gonnago put those songs on muh MP3 player for Alice...Seeya ^^

2005-01-20T18:37:00.000-05:00

Well...Yesterday Scott was a little upset so I thought I'd do something nice for him... I had his cell phone and his watch cause he accidentally forgot it when he was over the day, and since he wasn't at school i knew my mom would let me go to his house to drop it off. I told her the rest of the situation and she agreed to let me buy him his favorite ice cream and bring it to him to try and cheer him up. Apparently, after having done this, his mom absolutely adores me (or something...) so apparently she invited me to go to Colorado with them (like they do every winter) to go snowboarding or something like that...It would be an overnight thing...In a cabin...o.o ...Indeed...

...Oh and Scott kissed me today...

I have a new favorite poem, too ^_^

Fire and Ice
By: Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Indeed...Oh and coming this weekend I will start a weekly Japanese (or "fat head" as sammie calls it XP) lesson, on request of Sammie.

Yeah...I'm gonna go now...Bye ^^

2005-01-16T14:13:00.000-05:00

Oh wow...I haven't updated in here in a while...Yeah some shit happened...and some other shit...and stuff....>.>

Umm...school goes as usual...tests as soon as we get back...Scott came over on Friday and we made dinner and then we went to see "The House of Flying Daggers" with his parents. It was a good movie but it was sad...i cried. Scott laughed at me for crying and now he feels guilty about doing so. I'm trying to turn him into an un-pussy XD

I'm learning how to play turning Japanese on the guitar and Japanese class was awesome!!! I met this chick and she rocks so much! She is so awesome! I only met her in one night and we're already best buds. And I met a few guys there they were cool too...We haven't yet learned much that I didn't already know but I'm sure it's bound to pick up ^_^

I think i did pretty well on my french test...And now I have nothing else to write about...

Oh wait...Scott and I had a ten hour phone conversation into the wee hours of the morning and we were so delerius....it got really stupid but for some reason we couldn't stop laughing...We laughed for an hour straight...Oww...my lungs...>.O

And now I'm going to go rot my brain on something...Perhaps talking to some of you people...Perhaps packing to go to Casey's house for Girl's night...Muahahaha! Ren gets to be girly! P-34R 1+!!! (ph34r 1t) (fear it) XD

Peace! ^^

2005-01-06T01:34:00.000-05:00

Wow...I just went back and looked at my old LiveJournal o.o That thing was oooold, man. It was back before I knew any html and when I was depressed almost all the time. I'm glad I'm not depressed as much anymore ^_^ I just get stressed if I have a lot of work o.o But man oh man....I'm gonna make a post on there too ^^ Although I doubt anyone would read it XD But yeah...My life has come a long way since then...Sometimes it's nice to just go back and reminesce (did I spell that right? o.o)

Well let's see...Hmm...I have a sexy picture of Sergio shirtless ^^ I'm getting really far with the whole Silent Gun thing (one of my webcomics) and I think it may even have a website by summer ^_^ I'm just curious as to how we'll keep it up during the summer since "Ryu" (the artist wishes to remain anonymous so she picked "Ryu Tamasi" as a pen name) is moving to a different part of town and we won't be riding the bus to converse about comics then. We can converse on the phone and stuff but her internet isn't working right now so unless we have like a regular meeting schedule or something I don't know how it will work...If her internet starts working again I could email the scripts to her but she doesn't have a scanner so she'd like have to mail the comics to me or something...We'll probably have a big comic cram session before summer break where we'll make a whole messload of like 30 something comics so I can upload them as I please, but that still won't cover the whole summer...Oh well, we'll see what happens.

School is finally starting to die down, sure we have to read for Language Arts again but that was inevitable. I haven't seen the new math seating chart but hopefully I sit somewhere near Scott since that's the only class we have together (other than lunch). Tomorrow I present my project with my partner...I hope it goes well...I also have to recite a poem for Language Arts...crap...>.< Oh well...

I really wanna change my blog layout but I never can seem to find the time...I guess if all else fails I've got Martin Luther King's birthday or Spring Break ^_^ I'm not sure what I want yet...I'm thinking I might design a custom Silent Gun layout and have "Ryu" draw it for me...Speaking of Ryu, her birthday is closing in and I think I want to get her Copic Markers to color with since she currently colors with colored pencils. She's trying to learn to CG on the computer but the problem is she doesn't have a scanner to scan in hand drawn things and she doesn't have a pen tablet to draw things on the computer with, and I can't get her either of those things because I don't have that kind of money :P I'm a student! Come on! I don't have time for a job! XP

I got 100 dollars from my Grandma for Christmas! Man I had big plans for that money....But I also really wanted to get my teeth whitened and I've wanted to ever since I got my braces off. Well my mom and I finally looked into it but it was 400 dollars to do it, and I know my family is running tight on funds lately (which is one of the reasons I'll be getting a job come summer) so I offered up my 100 dollars to help pay for it T.T I had big plans for that money! T.T But at least I'm finally getting my teeth whitened ^_^

One more thing...I might be getting Japanese lessons! Yay ^_^ They're being offered at a local community college and I'm going for the interview tomorrow night. I'm so excited ^_^ I've always wanted to learn Japanese but I just could never find the time or place to do it so I just picked up a few words and sayings here and there, but now I get to actually learn the language ^_^ I can't wait.

Well anyway I'm gonna go work on my comic and some other stuff. Nighty night everyone ^^

Oh yeah and if you're wondering the link to my old LiveJournal is http://www.livejournal.com/users/onikend/

2005-01-04T01:30:00.000-05:00

XD The good old days XD

You know you're a 90's child when...
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCH!"
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of Bel Air."
4. You wore biker shorts under your skirts and felt stylish.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters Club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those little Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on "Blossom."
8. Two words: M.C. Hammer
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock."
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales."
12. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side [back] of your head.
14. You saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail Day in computer class at school.
16. You played the game "MASH." (Mansion Apartment Shack House)
17. You wore a Jordache Jean jacket and you were proud of it.
18. L.A. Gear
19. You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in Kindergarten.
20. You remember reading Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing and all the Ramona books.
21. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF."
22. You wanted to be a Goonie. Truffle Shuffle! Boodie Trap!
23. You even wore flourescent clothing.
24. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off.
25. You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
26. You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.
27. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
28. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence
29. You remember Hypercolor T-shirts.
30. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
31. You thought She-Ra and He-Man should hook up.
32. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged friendship bracelets.
33. You owned a pair of jelly sandals.
34. After you saw "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" you kept saying "I know what you are, but what am I?"
35. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up!"
36. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
37. You even got seriously injured on a Slip 'n' Slide.
38. You have even played with a Skip-It.
39. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonald's.
40. You've gone through this list occasionally saying "awesome."
41. You remember Popples.
42. "Don't worry, be happy."
43. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights.
44. You wore socks scrunched down.
45. "Miss Mary MACK MACK MACK, all dressed in BLACK BLACK BLACK, with silver BUTTONS, BUTTONS, BUTTONS all down her BACK, BACK, BACK!"
46. You remember boom boxes vs. CD players.
47. You remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.
48. You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!"
49. You remember watching "Rainbow Brite" and "My Little Ponies."
50. You thought Doogie Howser was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool.
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By the Bell."
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi.
55. You played and or collected "Pogs."
56. You used to pretend that you could transform into a Power Ranger.
57. You had a variety of colors for Buddha beads.
58. "Where's Waldo?" was a big hit
59. "Lean on me, when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you carrrryyyy onnnn."
60. The GREY Nintendo Gameboys
61. Besides gameboy, you remember gamegear
62. You owned a furby
63. You killed your furby.
64. Your friends had a group where each girl was a Spice Girl
65. Chuck E Cheese Parties.
66. Discovery Zone was better than Chuck E. Cheese
67. You watched American Gladiators
68. You played with Stretch Armstrong!!!
69. You played with Crash Dummies
70. When thinking about gummy bears you imagine them in a line, dancing into their bag.
71. You read almost every single copy of R.L. Stiens "goosebumps".
72. So we were, like, going, like, to that, like, place, like, where, like, people do, like, stuff.
73. You can hum the mario bros. theme song in three part harmony with friends.
74. You watched Eek the Cat
75. Garfield, Odie, Jon Arbuckle ring a bell
76. "Take Chances, get messy, make mistakes." "I know i should have stayed home today." "Okay bus. do your stuff"
77. You remember Beanie Babies.
78. You used to collect Beanie Babies.
79. You recognize Pokemon as the original "fighting monsters show" from Japan.
80. You watched “the original fighting monsters show from Japan”
81. You remember “Puff the Magic Dragon”, can sing most of the theme song, and laughed each time you heard it after you became old enough to replace the word “Winky” with “Penis”.
82. You remember Mario when he was nothing more than a bunch of colored pixels that were hard to make out.

2005-01-03T21:00:00.000-05:00

-This post has been made private, to view please contact author.-

2005-01-01T04:11:00.000-05:00

2004-12-31T11:11:00.000-05:00

So sleepy....Does anyone even read this thing....Heh...Let me just talk non-sense here until I wake up a bit...

Happy New Year's Eve Day! ^.^ I'm having a small party with James, Cody, Kylie, McKynlie, Rae Rae, Roo Roo, and maybe Scottie and Darylyk (did I spell that right? XD)

Ah...I wanna talk to Sergi-poo....But he's never around when I am >.O Why must I sleep so late? T.T ::hits self in head repeatedly::

Hey lemme know if you'd get mad if I got a new screen name ^^ If less than 10 people say something by Jan. 2nd I'm gonna change it :P

So...umm...yeah...::passes out:: ZZZzzz

2004-12-29T23:44:00.000-05:00

I...I'm so happy...I'm so happy I was crying...And now...I'm crying now too...I will do anything to make myself for perfect now...because he's coming soon...so very soon...I can hardly contain myself...I wasn't supposed to know...but I do...And I couldn't be happier...I sincerely couldn't be happier unless it were something else having to do with him...

We'll be together soon...<3

2004-12-28T19:35:00.000-05:00

I'm BA-ACK!!! ^^ Naples was fun but I missed everyone back here. I think the best part was being able to go swimming on Christmas Day! XD It was great! I even got some sun! ^^ But....I'm still as pale as ever T.T

I love all of my Christmas presents! So thanks to everyone who got me one! Especially you, Alice! I love the drawing to death! And Roo Roo, you too ^_^ The manga is great! Scott got me a really good manga too and it gave me some ideas for my new comic, so thanks Scotty-poo ^^

What I got:
1. Lots of cool t-shirts
2. A brand new Fender Standard Strat Satin Finish ^^
3. An amp for the stat
4. An electric tuner (that's still in the mail XD)
5. Lots of great manga
6. An awesome drawing from Alice ^^
7. Two great new MMORPGs
8. A bunch of other stuff I don't feel like listing :P

I got my sissy the box set of Fushigi Yuugi and we've been watching it most of the day...But I'm kinda mad at her...and sad at the same time...I feel like she ditched me for her boyfriend...I mean I know she hasn't seen him in a while but she hasn't seen me in a while either. And last night she ditched me for Benni under the condition that she'd spend all day with me today watching Fushigi Yuugi and hanging out....But I guess I'm not as important to her as her boyfriend...v.v

Well at least I have something to look forward to on New Year's Eve ^^ Cody and Daryl and Kylie and McKynlie and Scott and Rae were all invited over to spend New Year's Eve with me and Rachel/Roo Roo ^^ My mommy said they can even spend the night if they want ^^ I know Rae can make it and I'm pretty sure Scott can make it, although I don't know if he can spend the night. I don't know if the rest can make it or not yet :( But I hope they can ^^

I have an icky dentist appointment tomorrow T.T And what's really bad is that I've been eating a lot of candy, which the dentist will probably get mad at me for >.> But oh well....heh...

Alrighty well I think that's enough info for one entry ^^ So bye bye! ^^ Oh wait!!! Before I go...Sergio got a bloggy blog! ^^ Check it out! ^^

G'night all! ^^

2004-12-16T22:21:00.000-05:00

Don't hesitate to wrap your friends for the holidays! :D

2004-12-16T15:58:00.000-05:00

I used to think the shittiest feeling in the world was being sick for 3 weeks straight with some virus they couldn't find...But now I know an even worse feeling. I could have every guy in the world like me, but it wouldn't make a difference...All I want right now is to do something special for the one I like...But I cant...

I think I'm gonna go now....it's been a really really shitty day...I missed the French party and I missed guitar club....I spent all night last night wrapping gifts and now I can't even give one of them to the person it's supposed to go to...I know I sound all emo and shit but goddamn I have reasons to okay? I'm gonna go...Bye...

2004-12-13T16:59:00.000-05:00

Okay so I got the Math and Language arts finals out of the way...The math one I didnt get to finish because I kept day dreaming...But it was only like 5 questions and I just guessed at them all. Tomorrow is the Science and History finals...joy...-.- Oh well these ones aren't as long which I am ever so greatful for.

I think tomorrow after school I'm gonna finish my Christmas shopping...I just have to buy something for Scott and I was thinking maybe I'd do something special for the guitar club people too...I'll probably just get a bunch of holiday candy and then pass it out in little gift baggies with guitars on them or something :P I dunno...

Wednesday I should probably start packing since we leave right from school on Friday and on Thursday I won't get home until late because I have guitar club. In case you're wondering where we're leaving to....It's Naples, FL. It's where my Grandma and Popop live and we're going there to celebrate her birthday. My family leaves on the 23rd to go back home, but I'm staying with my Grandma for Christmas cause she wants to spoil me. Hey, I'm not complaining ^_^

Anyway I think I'm gonna go study....or play video games....or something...later :P

2004-12-11T22:40:00.000-05:00

AHG! FINALS!! EBIL FINALS OF EBIL DOOOOOM! >.O Math final will be 1.30 hrs as well as the Language Arts final....Save me T.T Well at least history fair isn't due until January ^^

Chris said something about whether or not I would go out with Jak....Who the hell is Jak?! >.< And whoever he is I wouldn't go out with him....I'm content with the person I have right now ^_^

Right now Ali and I are playing Lunar: Silver Star and it is so cool! It's like the first anime RPG I've ever played! It's so cool! (And Roo Roo, this is the game "Luna's boat song" is from! ^^) Thank you Andy for letting me borrow the PS2 and all your games and giving me the memory card! I love you! ^^ ...In a brotherly sort of way :P (no Ali I don't want your boyfriend :P)

Umm...I may go over to Brian's house tomorrow but I'm not sure...If I do he's gonna have to helo me study :/

All right well I'm gonna go beddy bye now ^^ Night night all! ^^

2004-12-10T01:33:00.000-05:00

Fuck it all...Nothing ever happens like you want it to, and when you try to get it to it just fucks up things worse....
So fuck those bitches in anime who always have everything happen perfectly because life doesn't happen that way, and love isn't found that easily, and guys don't chase after the girls like that in real life.
Fucking anime....Why can't I live in an anime?

2004-12-09T01:10:00.000-05:00

On December 8th, in the year 2004, my Uncle Robert died...I hardly ever got to see him...But when we were together it was a blast. He was one of my favorite uncles...and now he's gone before I even got to tell him how much he means to me...A word of advice to everyone who's ever loved someone, whether the love be friend, family, or relationship love...Life is short, don't let your loved ones go on one more minute without letting them know how much you care. It may seem corny but it's so true...it's something someone who never lost a loved one couldn't quite grasp, no matter how hard they tried.

"Do you realize
That everyone you know someday will die?
And instead of saying all of your good-byes,
Let them know you realize that life goes fast
And it's hard to make the good things last."

An exerpt from the song, "Do you Realize?" By: The Flaming lips

That song is so simple and yet so profound at the same time...So before I go try to clear my mind and sleep, let me ask you this...
Do you realize...?

2004-12-08T17:11:00.000-05:00

I hate my sister!!! She's been such a bitch today!
First this morning she makes my mom leave at 6:30 instead of 6:45 like we normally do just so she can get her precious McDonalds! I was ready by 6:45 but they had already left by then. So I had to get my dad to take me and he yelled at me for wanting to go to school! Yeah that sets a great example -.-

Then she goes and wears my brand new shirt that i specifically told her several times not to wear. So now it's all stretched out! It was already baggy on me but now I may as well use it as a freaking night shirt! >_< I got it for my freaking birthday! My mom special ordered it online for more than what a shirt should cost just because i wanted it so badly, and now it's ruined! And it's not gonna shrink in the wash, either! My sister is such a cold hearted BITCH!

Well other than that life's been pretty hectic. We've had so many projects to do and now we've got lots of tests and next we'll have lots of finals, but then it will be winter break ^_^ I get to go to Naples to see my grandma (she's awesome) and my Popop ^_^

Josh told me he liked me....yeah....so now whenever Scott's around me and he sees Josh he hangs all over me just to piss Josh off XD It's hilarious! Scott and I are in the process of making our "family bush" XD Don't ask...it's a LOOOOONG story...I'm hoping to have Scott, Alice, and Rae over for New Year's Eve ^_^ We'll drink champaign and watch Donnie Darko! And....BURN MOUSE TRAP CARS!!!! MUAHAHAHAHA! >:D

I'm probably going to go look at guitars and go dress shopping this weekend, and then on Sunday hang out with Brian (the azn one XD) ^_^

I talked to Sergio last night ^_^ I missed him so much! I'm glad I was finally able to talk to him again, it always makes me feel better ^_^

I'm hoping to have the first script for Silent Gun finished by the end of the night tonight. You know what that means, right? Alice gets to draw the comic! >:P And then we'll have comic #1 ^_^

Anyway I need to go study for my science test and finish my health packet and work on history fair and do some other crap i forget right now but wrote down so i'd still do it :P
Night all! ^_^

2004-12-06T01:23:00.000-05:00

Haha! I can Finally post again!! EAT THAT BLOGGEH!!! XP Let's see...What's new in Renny's life...Well...I'm learning guitar, I have two webcomics which I will talk more about later, I am single but I know several guys that like me XP and err...uh...Rachel's got a boyfriend XD Hehe...well now...It's late and I need to finish my math extra credit so I will post more later and fill you in along the way ^_^

2004-08-22T21:41:00.000-04:00

Okay...I'm really upset right now...

Jessy keeps making assumptions about me and she acts like she knows everything. Like she thinks that she knows everything about me and what i feel and stuff. It really ticks me off...

Sammy said I'm a slut...! I don't wear anything worse than Jessy! What the heck?! Seriously! Grr...Maybe i just need some time to cool off or something...i dont know....

Feh...

2004-08-17T18:08:00.000-04:00

Yes I'm finally posting again :P A few things are on my mind right now...

First thing: Is it just me or does Jessy always seem mad at me these days? I mean it feels like she tries to avoid me and stuff...I dunno...I really wish if she didn't like me she would just say so...I hate this feeling of uncertainty! >.<

Second thing: What's with this "number of the day" thing?! I mean Brittany randomly comes up to me and says "The number today is..." I'm like "What the....?" So yeah that's kinda on my nerves right now :/

Other than that life's just dandy ^_^ There's actually more things on my mind but they're kinda private :/ Anyway I have to go do my science homework now...bleck...-.-

2004-08-14T21:16:00.000-04:00

Spleee! I'm happy! Yay happiness! ^^

2004-08-14T13:26:00.000-04:00

Dude....once bread becomes toast it can never go back o.o

2004-08-09T20:58:00.000-04:00

Well...First day of school and already I hate it T.T I HAVE NO FRIENDS!!!! I don't fit in with any of them, and to top it off the one way hallway rule sucks ass!!! Why couldn't I have been born a year earlier? It seems the only people who like me are people who are older than me...v.v

I also hate middleschool because none of the guys have any common sence...they all wanna date the stick girls! I mean i know I'm not that pretty but at least in highschool I'll get noticed for something other than having boobs T.T

Not only that but i had a LOT of trouble once i got back home....I'd really rather not discuss it but at least now I know where about half of my mental issues come from...and let's just say if it weren't for the thought of a certain person and the love of my sister i'd be dead right now...v.v
My sister's about the only one who loves me...v.v

2004-08-08T14:44:00.000-04:00

Bah....Tomorrow I start school -.- See it's good cause i get to see my friends but its bad because i dont get to sleep all day anymore T.T I still miss my internet :( Bah! I know the first thing I'm doing when I get my internet back....and no it is not downloading porn! :P Oh well gotta go....Mother is making me clean T.T (Save me!)

2004-08-03T15:11:00.000-04:00

Well....I went to adventure landing with jackie on sunday. She and I met this guy named Chris, he's pretty cool, he's taking me to the Incubus concert ^_^

Sergio went somewhere for a month so I wont get to talk to him much anymore :( Have fun Sergio! ::hug::

I'm gonna go see the movie "The Village" tomorrow...yay!

Anyway time to go, bye ^^

2004-08-01T00:43:00.000-04:00

yeah I have't been on in a while cause my net is busted so y dad has to do some re-networking with my computer before it will work...I miss all of you guys! T.T

School is starting again soon...i have the 8th grade homeroom of american history...i forget the teacher's name....some new chick....

jackie leaves on monday so tomorrow she and i are spending all day together. She gets really sad at times when she's back in jersey alone so i gave her my very cuddly and really cute teddy bear that i cry on when i get really sad....so now I need a new teddy...
Perhaps I'll have mommy and ali take me out teddy bear shopping soon...

I miss all my friends from school...oh! Rae and I had this really funny idea for halloween where we have josh and rae dress up as hoes and i'll be their pimp XD

I've vowed not to get into anymore serious relationships until i'm atleast 16...Although not having a boyfriend does make me kind of sad and lonely and makes me feel unwanted, that's what therapy is for, to fix these issues of mine....

I'm not sure of what else to write....Ramen time....Sayonara

2004-07-25T13:37:00.000-04:00

Let's see....

Thursday - Kui came over and we went swimming and cuddled a bit and I fell asleep on him.

Friday - Jackie and I burnt stuff that our ex-boyfriends gave us out on the grill and roasted marshmallows over the fire and made smores.

Saturday - We went out to eat and then we went for a walk. I wore highheels to the restaraunt so that's what I had on on the walk but I took them off so I could keep up with everyone. So when we got home my feet were all tore up and I took a huge chunk outta my heel so I had to crawl on my knees to get around and I bandaged it up. Then later that night I broke up with Kui...I wanted someone who liked me and only me....not only that but I don't think he knew me well enough...so for now we agreed to just be friends until we get to know eachother better.

Sunday - Today...well umm...long story...I dont feel like explaining everything right now....Basically I want someone who loves me and only me and there's only one person who does, other than my teddy bear, and I can't talk to him right now....I miss him a lot and if it werent for him I'd really see no reason to do much of anything. I named my teddy bear after a nickname that I gave to him....and I think you know who you are....I miss you....

Well enough for now....There's so many people here....I want to be alone....there are only three people I want to be with right now.....Ali, who's getting me Ramen cause it's my anti-depressent, Cami, who I'm hoping to go to the mall with later, and the afore mentioned guy, who I miss very much....

2004-07-19T15:04:00.000-04:00

Oh one last thing I forgot to mention...Kui is now my new boyfriend :) <3

2004-07-19T14:50:00.000-04:00

Well lets see....a lot's been happening as of late. I broke up with Mike, for a while this time. I've been acolyting quite a bit lately for funerals and what not. I've been acolyting with Ben and I finally got him to open up to me :) Kui was at Rachel's on Wednesday and I got to see him and he gave me a wet hug X3 And then James was at Rachel's house on Saturday. On Sunday I went on a date with Kui, it was fantastic! Apart from people following us around *coughRachelandJackiecough* it was great. In the movie he and I cuddled a lot and we kissed. He tried to make out with me but I didn't let him :P (Nyah, Kui. Maybe next time :P) He kept tickling me and I think the old couple next to us was getting pissed off :P And other things happened...But they're for me and him to know and you guys to ponder :P Have fun ;)

2004-07-10T07:13:00.000-04:00

I'm on a new quest dammit!!!! I'm not going to drink anything until i drink 100 cups of coffffeeeeee!!! ::twitch twitch twitch:: I'm on cup 10 right nowwww!! >.O

2004-07-09T22:39:00.000-04:00

Mike is making me post XP

Tonight we're going to a midnight movie at san marco. It's going to be the shiznite! XD
Tomorrow we may go to the Itchutucknee and then sunday I have to acolyte.
I have to go to the shrink on Monday...I don't feel like explaining right now so perhaps I will later...

Gonna go hang out with Rachel now, bye

2004-07-05T22:15:00.000-04:00

We went to the mall today!! And we played DDR! It was much fun!! ^^ New addiction arising (and it will help me lose all this fat -_-) And...that's all I wanted to say o.o Oh no wait! I already have a Christmas/Birthday list planned
1. Money
2. Anime/Manga
3. Bow and arrow set (simple bow)
4. Target for bow and arrow set
5. Dagger
6. PS2
7. DDR for PS2
8. DDR mat for PS2
9. Shirt that says "WTF" (most likely from relatives because it's online)
10. Shirt that says "STFU" (same as above)
11. Black "All Your Base..." shirt (same as above)
12. Shirt that says "Chix0r" (same as above)
13. Male stripper XD (Oh yeah Sergio! Take that bad boy out! XD)
Hehehe...anyway time to go play Tekken...Bye bye!

2004-07-02T04:25:00.000-04:00

I'm kinda confused about a few things now...I know that for now Mike makes me happy and I finally realized why I broke up with him...it wasn't that the feeling was fading, it was that it was hard to spread such a far distance. I realize now that I dont need to base my life around him and he makes me happy so we're back together for now. (I had to post this cause he was being a whiny bitch :P)

2004-06-23T21:32:00.000-04:00

Okay! Time for some information on what I've been up to! Yay!

Sunday: I got to run the acolytes at church cause Ms. Anne wasn't there, that was fun. I got home and got changed and cleaned like a maniac and then Jake arrived. We had some fun playing cards and what not and Rachel came over. We ate dinner with him and his family and Maggie was there too. That night Maggie and I slept together and...well...heh heh...nevermind (ask if you feel so inclined :P)

Monday: We had a party and Jackie came (my 13 year old niece). Rachel and Jackie and I waited inside and answered the door and when Daryl and Cody arrived Rachel and I dragged Daryl and Jackie over to her house for a rematch at Super Smash Brothers. Then we went back to the party and did Cody's hair (pics on my photobucket XD)And then we all went swimming. Cody smacked my butt and made my shirt come up and stood on me in the pool so then I just HAD to make him my bitch. I milked his hard nipples XD He said "That's it I'm doing it to you too! Wait...that would be un-christian" Anyway he could have gotten away if he wanted to.

Tuesday: We went to the mall and Jake bought me a shwingy new t-shirt and I saw something at Spencers that I HAVE to get :D And Then we went and saw Stepford wives...AGAIN! But it was good. Oh and at the mall I used up the giftcard Rachel gave me for Babbage's and I bought Di Gi Charat ^_^

Wednesday: We went to Chuck E. Cheese's and Daryl was supposed to come but his phone and computer was knocked out by a storm so we missed him :( I wanted to hang out with him cause I felt really awkward around Cody...I don't know why I did those things I did...Yar...Well I played around a bit and we all got "Naughty Sticks" which were really long lollipops and the guy behind the counter flirted with us and gave Jake a free one XD And I'm sure, when we were going through the tunnels, everyone got a nice view of me and Rachel's panties :P

Tomorrow: We're going hunting for Shark's teeth :D And tomorrow we're eating our Naughty Sticks :P

Must go be social now...>.O

2004-06-22T20:41:00.000-04:00

2004-06-18T14:31:00.000-04:00

~Stole this from Crys who stole it from various places :P~

Type your name with:

YOUR NOSE: ren (beat that! :P)

YOUR ELBOW: rewn (Umm...rewn? Close i suppose :P)

YOUR CHIN: rern (rern? o.O)

ONE EYE CLOSED AND ONE FINGER: ren (too easy :D)

THE BACK OF YOUR HAND: frtdex bn (Umm is right, Crys o.o)

YOUR PALM: renb (Close o.o)

YOUR WRIST: drwwd n (Where's the E? o.o)

XD Ya'll should try this.

2004-06-16T13:36:00.000-04:00

Woah...I just realized something...I'll go and do something and then like a week later everyone else will do it. Not because I tell them to, but just because they find it after me.

Like with Foamy...I was watching it then about a month later everyone else started. And the Crimson Room...I did that and the Viridian Room about a week or two ago with Rachel and now Sandra and Oli are doing it too.

But what makes me feel really loved is everyone is quoting me. The title of my blog. "Life is so complicated. Who are we as mortals to understand it?" Well it doesn't say the mortal bit in the title but it does in my profile...I couldn't fit it in the title >.O But first Jess did and then Sammy...I feel so honored! :> Yay me! ^_^

2004-06-15T02:20:00.000-04:00

I am bored and it's late and I can't go to bed and i just got off the phone with Arren but his signal died or his phone died or something died...Anyway so I'm exerting energy by doing something I saw in Crys's xanga so i thought "Sure, Why not?" (By the way...Happy 100th post! *throws a party*!)

b a s i c s
[x] name: Ren...It may not be my REAL name but it's MY name nonetheless :P
[x] screen name: AIM or Yahoo? Oh well doesn't matter! They're both Hitomi Kurai
[x] sex: female...Or is it? o.O *checks* No I'm good!
[x] birthday: November 10, 1900...Oh wait my bad 1990*
[x] height: 5'5"...Wooh! I grew and inch! That makes me even TALLER than Rachel! Don't feel bad I still love you...I think if I grow any taller my mom is going to get a complex o.O
[x] hair color: reddish-brownish with blonde highlights...ish
[x] hairlength: Umm...*lets down her hair* Mmm! My hair smells good! ^_^ But it's down to above my breasts...ish
[x] eye color: There's a toughy...It kinda depends on what I'm wearing but normally it's got a dark green ring around it with light green and gold flecks speckles about around the outside of my small pupil
[x] siblings: 1 half-brother named Alex whom I've never met, 1 half-sister's whos daughter (my niece) who is my age is coming down for the summer, and 1 abusive older sister -_-
[x] who makes you laugh the most?: Definately Rachel...I don't know why...I guess it's all of the inside jokes, even when she says pudding! Pudding for pete's sake! >.O
[x] who knows the most about you?: Hmm...Definately Rachel, but when it comes to the sexual stuff it's definately Mike...yeah...Dot dot dot >.>
[x] boy/girlfriend status: I'm finally single! For once in my life I am free of the bonds of this so called "love" and man does it feel good! I am looking at a certain someone but I will not say who >.>

o t h e r
[x] do you have a job: Oh yeah! I go out on the streets everynight and usually Baldy gives me some good cash...I mean...What? o.O >.> (shh!)
[x] who's your role model: Role model? PAH! I dislike models, so what makes you think I'd like "Role" models? Oh wait...I do have one...My kitty! :P
[x] what store do you shop at the most: Umm...I don't shop a lot...But I guess any gaming or anime store...Like Dragon's Tale...^_^
[x] have you ever done any drugs: Well there was this one time when I was drunk and I...I mean...No...Of course not...What are you talking about? Me? Do drugs? How could you even THINK such a thing? >.>
[x] do you collect anything: Umm...Oddly enough I collect words...I love languages of all sorts and when i learn a new word in a language I like I write it down over and over and say it a lot until I memorize it...Crazy, huh?

f a v o r i t e s
[x] day of the week: Oooh...Hmmm...I don't know why but Friday's are always fun! And of course Friday is the night I went to DreamCon and met Arren and Ray and Qui, so hell yeah! Friday wins!
[x] thing in your room: myself! Nah...Probably my computer...Or my mangas ^_^
[x] cd: Hmm...Other than my Mix CDs either my Do as Infinity CD or my Daft Punk CD (Thank you Rachel)
[x] song(s): currently - Hmm...Locomotion and Bohemian Rhapsody by: Queen; Ever - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger by: Daft Punk (Off da heezy, fo shizzle! :P), or Date Rape by: Sublime
[x] animal: A kitten...So cute and yet so aggressive...I think in my past life I was a kitten who died before I turned into a cat, which may explain why I want to grow up so badly ^_^
[x] ice cream: Hmm...Usually sherbert...or maybe chocolate ^_^U
[x] drink: chocolate milk...mmm milk :P
[x] thing to do: Anything with my friends! Who cares what you're doing as long as you're having fun doing it! But I guess in solitude my favorite thing to do is write :)
[x] pizza topping: I'm not sure...Cheese I guess :/

r a n d o m
[x] where do you see yourself in 10 years: Hmm...With someone...someone special...It wouldn't really matter WHERE I was...but whom I was with...:)
[x] if you could live anywhere: Tokyo, New Jersey, Scottland, and maybe someplace in England...or Australia! What can I say? I'm a woman of the world...but then again some places really tick me off, like czeckoslavokia (or however you spell it) only because of Mr. Wilson -_- I hate that man!
[x] what age do you want to get married: I'd prefer when I was younger, but I'd rather get married old than married to the wrong person
[x] how many kids do you want: At least 2, not 3 for fear of the middle child having a middle child complex, no more than 4
[x] girl's names: Rachel, Julia (Don't you two feel special? :P)
[x] boy's names: Damien, Andy

h a v e Y O U e v e r
[x] been in love?: A childhood love...Yes...A forever love...No...Hence me being single and all :P
[x] lied?: No...>.> (And if you didn't figure out that that was a lie then I wonder why you are my friend -_-)
[x] cheated on a test: Hmm...Not that I can recall...Why cheat when you can study? Heh I know you're all out there saying "What kind of a nutcase is she?!" Just shut up! :P
[x] tied your shoes together?: Sadly...yes...I did it to see if I would really trip and fall...Which I didn't! So nyah! :P
[x] eaten something with a lot of fat?: No because perfect little me only sticks to fruits and veggies! What kind of a retarded question is this?! I mean you even have the question "What's your favorite flavour of ice cream?" Duh! Ice cream has fat too ya know -_-

f e e l i n g s
[x] worst feeling in the world: The feeling of being alone...Alone and forgotten, as if no one cares...v.v;;
[x] best feeling in the world: Taking that fresh breath of the first fall air and looking up at the clear star filled sky as you fall to the ground in the sweet soft grass and turn to your side and hold the one person you care about most...Or least I would imagine so...
[x] can you define love?: Love is an undefinable feeling! A feeling of joy, lust, jealousy, hatred, depression, and many other feelings all in one! But the one thing love is not...Love is not feeling alone or forgotten, because you know SOMEONE cares...The one person that should care
[x] do you get along with your parents?: Umm...If I make an effort to...I'm a teenager what do you expect?! "Yes of course mother. Yes mother I always do my homework before reading. Yes mother I'll clean the house right away, let me just finish helping the needy! :)" -_- Tch! Yeah right!
[x] are you ticklish?: Sort of...Only in certain spots and by the right people...It takes someone special to tickle me

o p p o s i t e S E X
[x] 1st thing you notice about the opposite sex: Their faces. Their hair, eyes, and oddly enough chin. It all has to fit together in a special way to make them attractive to me
[x] perfect "dream" date: Well...Sitting on a couch together, alone, watching our favorite anime (subbed of course) cuddling, then heading out to an old timey burger restaraunt for dinner, followed up by a trip to the arcade to play some games until we run out of quarters at which point we go into an open yet secluded field and stare up at the night sky cuddling and playing around for a while until we get up and go to starbucks to get frappucinos and head home the scenic route
[x]what do you look for in the opposite sex?: Someone sweet, yet caring. Someone who I can trust and who has a dirty enough mind to match up to mine, in its prime. Someone who can make me laugh and smile even if I just lost my kitty. Someone who shares common interests with me but isnt the exact same as me. Someone who can cheer me up but knows when its best just to hold be and be there for me. And most importantly, someone who'll support me in what I wanna do, no matter how crazy it may be, and someone who can be completely honest with me and tell me when I'm getting on their nerves.

n i g h t T I M E
[x] what do you wear to bed: Who said I wear anything? ;) Just kidding :P I wear whatever's comfortable depending on the weather
[x] what's your bed time: What is this "bed time" of which you speak?
[x] do you wish on stars: Why not? If only a shred of hope left by the wish you made on that little star, at least you still have hope.
[x] is there a TV in your room: Hell yeah! How would I play my game consoles without one? :P
[x] what's the last thing you do before you fall asleep: Think of something sweet...to carry me off to a happy place...to dream of whomever happens to be on my mind at the time ^_^

m i s c e l l a n e o u s
[x] how many schools have you been to: Hmm...ACDS, JCDS, BES, JBE, DCMS, So I guess that's 5 and it'll be 6 in a year when I go to highschool
[x] are you passive or aggressive: I've never really noticed either way...It depends on the situation really...
[x] vanilla or chocolate: Kinky o.O
[x] would you rather be hot or cold: cold...I've always liked a cool breeze rather than a warming glow
[x] what is your curfew: Usually sometime between 11 and 12 on weekends, 9 on weeknights

f r i e n d s
[x] person you can trust the most: Usually Rachel...unless I'm talking about sexual stuff...I don't know why but I kind of feel uncomfortable talking to her about that...if she brought it up however i wouldn't care :P
[x] what is the best quality of a friend: Trust, sense of humor, and common interests
[x] what friend do you have the most fun with: Depends...I have fun with all of my true friends but I guess since I spend the most time with Rachel that its her ^_^

s t u p i d S T U F F
[x] do you glow in the dark: No but my eyes do XP
[x] do you possess magical abilities: yes, I am captain ADHD! I have the amazing ability to forget what i was doing and become hyper active in no more than 10 seconds!
[x] do you keep your underwear and socks in the same drawer: Why do you care? You gonna go look in my panty drawer now and claim you were looking for socks? :P
[x] can you name all 4 Teletubbies: Unfortunately...I used to baby sit so I'd watch it with the kids (shut up -_-) Tinky-winky, Po, Lala, And Dipsy ...Tinky-winky sounds like the two year old word for penis
[x] if you could change one thing about yourself what would it be: My physical appearance...I guess I like my face and my hair's okay with time...But I'd really like to change my body...You know taller, bigger boobs...that kind of crap
[x] who do you really hate?: hate? YOU! No I hate Jacob Smith! >.<
[x] what are you addicted to?: You baby ;) No I am addicted to Starbucks frappucinos I swear there's crack in those things >.O
[x] do you like jewelry?: It's okay...nothing fancy...I can't wear nickle metal so all I can wear is pure gold and stainless steel, I prefer stainless steel
[x] do you wear a watch?: I used to until I lost it...then I got another...but I lost that one too :[
[x] did/do you have braces?: yes, although I hate to admit it and man was I loser back then! But then again, who isn't a loser in the 6th grade? :P
[x] do you believe in God?: In a way...but not like most...It's rather hard to explain...and maybe someday I will but right now I'm getting fed up with this questionaire thing -_-
[x] do you believe in love at first sight?: Of course!
[x] what are your favorite tv show(s)?: Hmm...Who's Line is it anyway! I love that show! Case closed as well.
[x] what color tooth brush do you use?: Umm...I think my toothbrush is a nudist...it's clear
[x] is the glass half empty or half full: Hmm...Half-full...But full of what? o.O
[x] most dangerous thing you've ever done: Ran across an intersection in a skirt and a tight shirt, sneak up to Starbucks with a guy at night when my parents told me not to, strangle myself to see if it was possible to kill myself that way (I let go after i passed out), climb onto my roof, lock myself in a trunk (XD Bri! Don't forget the phone!), and play with fire (also with Bri :P)
[x] are you listening to any of your CDs at the moment?: Yeah...My mix CD but I wanna listen to Daft punk now...mmm Daftness :D
[x] are you glad this test is finally over?: Hell yeah! Who wouldn't be?! Wait a minute...Is that another question I see down there? Aww fuck!
[x] Haha fooled you!: Oh go fuck yourself with a very large cactus -_-

2004-06-14T20:14:00.000-04:00

Zazu and I were having a discussion (for the record I don't like anyone as of now...No one I'm willing to admit to liking without the threat of being killed):

Zazu: your afraid of being alone
Ren: Yes I am
Zazu: why?
Ren: I don't know...It's just this fear...
Ren: Like i feel I wont belong if I dont have someone to fall back on as my boyfriend
Zazu: must be something to do with your past
Ren: I have this thing about trust
Ren: as I've told you before
Zazu: yea I know
Ren: being afraid of losing people
Zazu: your not lossing them your just growing appart
Ren: and boyfriends to me have always been someone to follow you like puppy dogs and worship you so you know you won't lose them
Zazu: friends will be replaced, boyfriends will be replaced
Ren: and i guess I've felt as if I lose everyone else I'll still have my boyfriend
Zazu: thats just life
Ren: Rachel will never be replaced
Ren: that's how I realized i dont need a boyfriend
Ren: because I'll always have my best friend
Zazu: thats not true I know many people that wouldn't endure through their girlfriends hard times.. if ya know what I mean
Ren: she may have other friends and she won't center her life around me
Ren: but I know if I need someone to talk to I've always got her
Zazu: And me
Ren: but even you i could lose
Zazu: I am sort of a friend after all
Ren: and you're not always around
Ren: rachel I always know where she is
Ren: she lives across the street for pete's sake!
Ren: I know all of her contact numbers and such
Zazu: hmm... well it will be kinnda hard to get rid of me... mwa ha ha ha
Ren: and if I dont know where she is then I can always ask her mom, brothers or dad
Zazu: yea but you should seek happiness within yourself
Zazu: not within others
Zazu: kinnda a sad exsistance if you have to Relay on others to be happy
Ren: oh i have happiness within myself
Ren: i meant if I needed someone to talk to
Ren: rachel's always there for me
Zazu: and so am I sort of
Ren: But you may not always be around
Ren: I only have IM to talk to you through
Ren: I know rachel is there for me
Zazu: but when I am you can count on me
Zazu: ^^ your not betraying her by talking to me too ya know
Ren: and if she's not there for me i can kick her ass for being a bitch (although that'll never happen)
Ren: i know i can rely on you but I have rachel there for me
Ren: its different to be able to be there for some one than be reliable for some one
Zazu: true
Zazu: I am unreliable thats what makes me interesting
Ren: I feel comfort in the fact that rachel will always be there to back me up on my crazy ideas like making a webcomic
Ren: and she'll always be there to go crazy places with me when no one else wants to
Ren: and chances are if its a place she wont wanna go then I wouldnt ask her cause i wouldnt wanna go either

So thanks Rachel, for always being there for me and for being the best friend anyone could ever have. I love you, man! (in a platonic way of course)

And if anyone out there feels hurt because I did this all about Rachel and not about them, I'm sorry. But the truth is Rachel is the best friend I've ever had. I have other really good friends like Dianne, Crystal, Cody, Daryl, Kylie, McKynlie, and a lot of you other people. But, Rachel is my one and only best friend. (Don't you feel loved now, hairy legs :P)

2004-06-14T17:55:00.000-04:00

As of recently I have realized something:

You often hear of people having a fear of commitment. This is ironically called the commitment phobia. I am the exact opposite, I have a fear of being alone, or Monophobia. I learned this when as soon as I broke up with Mike I was looking for someone else to be with. I realize now why it took me so long to break up with Mike. I thought that if I let him go now that I may never find the person I'm meant to be with.

But what was I thinking?! I'm only 13! I have my whole life ahead of me to find someone to be with. I'd rather take time to find the right person than be hasty and be stuck with the wrong one. So what? I'm single, big deal! It's kind of nice to be single. I can't remember a time before I got my first boyfriend that I was single more than a week...Well it's come time to break that record!

WOOH! I'm free of my bonds! I don't have to try and keep myself away from other guys! I can flirt again! I can stay out late with my guy friends without having to worry about what my boyfriend will say! I think I can learn to grow out of this "Monophobia". Wish me luck! :)

2004-06-12T23:34:00.000-04:00

There she goes
There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
Pulsing through my veins
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
Racing through my brain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
She calls my name,
Pulls my train
No one else could heal my pain
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes again
Chasing down my lane
And I just can't contain
This feeling that remains

There she goes
There she goes
There she goes

Switch "she" with "he" and it's a lot like I'm feeling. It may be a simple song but it's good...

2004-06-12T01:27:00.000-04:00

Oh I just remembered something. Hehe ^^ When I called Ray to tell him we couldnt make it he said, "Well at least I know I have a pretty lady friend in Jacksonville. A very pretty lady friend." That made me blush so bad! Ray and Arren were both really sexy ;) Mmm...ass candy ;)

Oh and everyone at the Con thought we were like 18 XD Even Qui, Arren, and Ray. Qui is 14, Ray is 19, and Arren is 20 :P

2004-06-12T00:50:00.000-04:00

Haha! Man DreamCon was so awesome! We met some really great people there (IE: Qui, Arren, and Ray). Got all of their phone numbers ^_^

When we first got there and were waiting to register is when we first ran into Qui. Then we went over and bugged Steven and ate lunch (Thank you Steven!) Yeah we got free lunch at Rachel's brother's (Steven's) hot dog place cause convention food is always expensive. Then we went and camped out outside of the Con until it opened and I was all hyper >.O And we talked to Qui, Ray, and Arren. We played bouncy ball with Arren :P

Then when the Dealer's room doors finally opened I went crazy and ran around in circles and then ran into Qui. Then we went to the art room and admired some of the really pretty artwork they had there. Most of it was fantasy. Then we went and were watching the Yu Yu Hakusho movie but it pissed me off cause the dubbing sucked ass! So we went and played Halo until Qui and Ray and Arren showed up and Qui said, "We found them!" and we watched them play Halo until Qui had to go, so we got his number. Rachel says Qui reminds her of Taylor, this guy she liked until he graduated at her school. She wants to get to know Qui better and maybe things will advance from there...She asked me if I liked him but probably not as much as she did so I told her she could have him.

Then we went back to Halo and Rachel played against Ray and Arren and she sucked but that's okay cause I did too which is why I didn't play. Then Rachel and I went to the Dealer's Room and got giant balloon hats from pizaz, the clown that did my next door neighbor's birthday party last year. When we went back to watch Ray and Arren for a bit they were like "Holy crap!" and we laughed. And then they had to shut down the gaming room for a while.

At this point we all headed over to the Dealer's Room where we looked at some really cool weapons. Rachel and I got some ideas for weapons in our webcomic and when we were looking at the swords we thought of cody :P Then we left Arren and Ray at the weapons place while Rachel and I got our faces painted by Pizaz. Then Arren met up with us and we convinced him to get his face painted. Then we went on a search for Ray.

Rachel and I searched the Dealer's room and the other rooms while Arren searched his and Ray's room. When Rachel and I were done we sat by the elevator and ate cheetos until Arren came and said he couldnt find Ray. So we searched for a bathroom for Rachel and on the way we saw Ray and he said that Arren said that Rachel and I were looking for him so Ray and I waited for Rachel. Then we went and played Risk with Carl, David, Ray and some other people. Rachel and I got our asses kicked! XD But Ray servived up until the very last little bit when David took over the world. Then we went and showed Ray where the gift shop was so he could see if they had batteries.

When we got there we realized no place in the hotel sold batteries which sucked cause Ray wanted to turn on his light saber. Then we went up to Ray's room to drop off his light saber, his coconut monkey, and his autograph from the guy who does the voice of Space Ghost. Rachel and I of course did NOT go into his room. We waited outside while he did what he needed. Then we headed back to the Con and ran into Arren.

We talked for a while and waited for Halo to open up but then we just said, "Screw it!" and went to karaoke. Ray and Arren sing really well! We palled around a bit and then Rachel went up to see which songs they had on the machine so I went and took a little walk and then Rachel and Arren came looking for me. I thought that was sweet. Unfortunately we missed most of Ray's song. And then I ran off and went to the front desk at DreamCon and Arren and Rachel kind of caught up to me so I ran to the escalator and went down then back up.

Then I apologized to Arren and Rachel but one of the songs made me really sad and exerting extreme ammounts of energy makes the sad go away. And then we got back and we sang to Bohemian Rhapsody along with the rest of the people at karaoke. Then Ray went up and sang this song and it was so funny! Hey Rachel, "And you're too close...!" XD (inside joke...something Ray said to Arren XD) And then we all did our goodbye hugs and when Arren hugged me he picked me up XD I got their phone numbers...But they live downstate so we probably won't get to see them again until the next convention :(

They were all pretty cool. Rachel and I wanted to go again tomorrow. But we couldnt get a ride most likely so I called Ray and told him we couldnt and I said I was really sorry. We might still be able to go but I highly doubt it...If anyone would be able to take us it would be Rachel's brother. We wanted him to come and play risk tomorrow.

I think that Rachel and I should advertise at the convention in a few years when our webcomic is more well known ^_^ It would be tight! Toit loik a toiga (XD Translation: Tight like a tiger XD)

Anyway it's late so I'm gonna hit the hay! Sweet Dreams everyone! ^^

2004-06-11T15:10:00.000-04:00

2004-06-11T09:48:00.000-04:00

Haha I took the Harry Potter Quiz thing that Sammy took XD:
Name: Ren
Age: 13
House: Ravenclaw
Family-Line: Pure-blood
Dated: Harry Potter
Well known for: Your family name
Percentage of student body you shacked up with: 84%
What the teachers think of you: They HATE you

o.o I must be pretty damn attractive to have shacked up with that many people...Why do the teachers hate me so? T.T Oh right cause they're too busy liking Sandra and her bookwormyness :P

2004-06-10T20:33:00.000-04:00

2004-06-10T20:24:00.000-04:00

2004-06-09T12:59:00.000-04:00

2004-06-09T12:57:00.000-04:00

2004-06-08T23:08:00.000-04:00

2004-06-07T23:41:00.000-04:00

Me and Mike are over. Here's some of our conversation...I'm warning you, it's not pretty:

Ren: So how do i know you werent lieing when you said you loved me?
Mike: because i took the time and money to send you presents, and based part of my life around you?
Mike: i never IMed this other girl once, she always IMed me. we never talked on the phone, and i barely responded to what she had to say to me
Ren: and how do i know you didnt do this with that other girl as well?
Mike: you can ask her yourself if you'd like
Ren: but when you did respond you did it with "I love you too"
Mike: well ren, atleast she was saying that she loved me, unlike you
Ren: yeah well I didnt wanna lie to you like you were lieing to her
Mike: hmph...
Ren: exactly
Mike: oh there's doug, tell him that you dumped me because i wasn't good enough for you
Ren: Would you just rip my heart out and stomp on it already?!
Ren: Get it over with!
Mike: just returning the favor, sweetie
Ren: I really would have like to stay friends with you
Mike: we can still be friends. just give me some time
Ren: Some time to get the stick out of your ass?
Mike: mm hmm
Ren: Leave me alone
Ren: there's one thing i wanna say to you right now
Ren: but i know ill regret it
Mike: seriously ren
Mike: i just need to get my head straight
Ren: So go!
Ren: Get it straight!
Ren: But leave me alone!

Yeah...So right now I'm just trying to stay calm...And Zazu's not here to top it off...He went on a trip. He should be back sometime Wednesday or Thursday. The truth is Zazu is also known as Xatar...He posts in my chatterbox. His real name is Sergio and I may have told a few of you about him already (Doug, Crys, Rachel). I like him, not the whole goo goo ga ga crush thing like I had for Lam but I do like him....

2004-06-05T02:14:00.000-04:00

You know...it may just be me but I think Mike's taking me for granted. This was one of the reasons I broke up with him in the first place and he said he'd change but it really doesn't seem like he has...He doesn't seem to have time for me. Like I'll call him all the time but he'll either be asleep or out with Jordan...Right now Doug's being a better boyfriend than Mike is! And that's bad because Jordan is more like brother than anything else! Whenever he's up I'm asleep cause Duh it's like 4 friggin AM over here and I don't care how much i wanna talk to him I need sleep! Especially since i get up early to go to the gym. I finally got ahold of him just recently but he had to go cause he'd rather be with Jordan I guess. I guess he just doesn't have time for me anymore...

I know he's gonna read this post and either get really sad or mad so I almost didnt post it but I know some of you will be able to help me with what I should do because this also has a lot to do with the dilema mentioned in the post below. It's not the dilema itself but it has to do with it. Anyway...Dianne, Crystal, Bri, Sammy, Rachel, Anyone who wants to help! I could really use it!!! >.<

2004-06-04T23:31:00.000-04:00

Major dilema...Can't post it here though for fear of certain people reading it...If you wanna know ask me and I might tell you...Gah! This is creating such chaos in my brain!! >.< Mm...chaos that reminds me of a weird conversation Xatar and I had...I call him Zazu though

Zazu: Thus creating much chaos.
Me: Mmm...Chaos is sexy.
Zazu: Especially with whipped cream.
Me: And chocolate sauce ;)
Zazu: Yeah, that too :P

Anyway back to the story of the dilema...So many thoughts...So confusing!! I have one thing more to say before I leave: Damn circumstances!! >.<

2004-06-03T01:48:00.000-04:00

I just want to crawl into a hole and die v.v Or at least live there until I'm an "acceptable age" v.v

2004-06-03T01:33:00.000-04:00

Erg...I keep wanting someone to blame for everything...I blamed doug for thinking ali was prettier than me,I blamed ali for making me live in her shadow, I blamed mike for taking me for granted. I just keep hurting those i care about...

I've been thinking of something crys said about becoming mute...It might be better for everyone. Maybe not mute...but only saying few words and speaking only mainly to those i trust (Dianne, Rachel, McKynlie, Mike) and staying like that until I move away from this place...

It's weird...I feel like I can be myself around McKynlie and she won't care...She's so young and her opinion is so pure and innocent. She's mature in her own way, and she sees things untainted. I don't have to worry about impressing her cause I already know she likes me for who I am...McKynlie rocks ^^

Well ali's yelling at me to go so I will...Man I feel like shit...and not in the physical sense v.v;;

2004-06-02T10:10:00.000-04:00

Woah I've been gone for a long time...Well here's a breifing on everything that's happened since my last post:

Sunday: Church was really cool with lots of balloons ^_^ Me and Nettie and Tom and Casey and Henry and Sam and John and Eric all set up the church on Saturday and got the balloons to the perfect height and then they all drooped at the service...damn helium -.-

Monday: We went to the gym in the morning...yeah...Then we got home and started preparing for our Memorial Day Party. Ali's friends were supposed to be there but they bailed...So it was me, Rachel, Kylie, McKynlie, Cody, Daryl, and that little annoyance I call a sister :P

Tuesday: WOOH! Rainy day! We hadn't had a rainy day in a really long time! We did uhh...rainy day stuff :P

Wednesday: Oh wait...that's today...Yeah it's early in the morning so we haven't done anything YET, but we're going to the gym sometime soon ^^ Oh and I couldn't sleep last night :P

Oh Mike introduced me and Ali to his friend Doug. Doug's an okay guy, although he needs to get over my age :P He'll be coming down here next summer with Mike ^^ o.o I need a new wardrobe before they get here! Gah! What do I wear?! >.< Meh I suppose shorts and a t-shirt since it'll be summer :P Oh well I'll worry about that later...Now...to go read other people's blogs that I have been neglecting...

2004-05-29T21:11:00.000-04:00

Yes I'm back together with Mike. Please excuse the way I babbled like an idiot over Lam. Truth is, I don't even remember why I liked him. I don't anymore and I'm sure Mike is happy to hear that :P Yeah he wants me to rant and rave about him in this post but I know if I do it's gonna go straight to his head, which is already fat enough (thanks to yours truly :P) so I'll keep it simple: I don't know who I'll be with for the rest of my life but I know for right now I enjoy being with Mike.

I went to the mall on Friday with Madonna and we had such a fun time! First we played in the arcade and I wooped her ass at air hockey, then we went to hot topic where i got more bracelettes, then we went to B. Dalton where I got the first manga in Angel Sanctuary (My new favorite anime ^^), then to Spencers where I played with pretty shiney lighty things while Madonna looked at necklaces, then to Babbages where I finally used the giftcard Rachel gave me and I bought this Manga that is supposedly really cool and it looked interesting although I forget the name because it was in Japanese but it was like Ai Aiori something or other, then we went and saw Van Helsing where the lead character was sexy and half naked and wet in a lot of the movie...and the movie was good too :P

Then after that my friend and I went to the outdoor movie thing and Jaws was playing and we saw Nettie there and Nettie and I walked to Rita's and we had a generally good time (except for the drunk guys behind us). I'm gonna take Mike there next summer...BWahahahaha! :P

And as some of you may already know, my mom has a friend over for about a week. Since her friend is staying in my room I have limited computer time...But that's okay cause I've got Setsuna to keep me company...that's right sexy Setsuna from Angel Sanctuary...Yeah I know I'm obsessed! Leave me alone! I gotta go look for a Setsuna backround anyway -_-

2004-05-25T20:18:00.000-04:00

Woah...I've just had one of those sudden realization things...

I really am an annoying bitch...and I'm a brat...oh god...What have i become? Have I always been like this? Geez...I need to think...

I might post another time...And to everyone out there who I've ever come in contact with...I truly am sorry...

Gomen-ne v.v;;

2004-05-24T17:42:00.000-04:00

Yeah I'm on my sister's evil comp because i think I accidently knocked a cord lose from my computer >.> Shut up! I know you're laughing! Quiet!! >.<

Yeah Jessy and Bri and I made up and everything's cool. Bri called last night and it was really funny cause then Dianne and Sandra called so we three-wayed them and then Lam called so we three-wayed him and then Dianne called Tim on her cell phone and Alan was with Tim and everything was extremely confusing and then I wanted to go watch the Breakfast Club and they were like "No! You can't! If you hang up we'll just call you back!" which they did :P

Everyone's been calling me lately XD I swear I must have 20 answering machine messages from the past 3 days alone. Geezy Creezy!

I'm so booked up as of late. Tomorrow Hannah and Rae wanna see if I can go to the mall with them and then on Wednesday I'm spending the night at my friend's house and then on Friday Madonna and I wanna go see Van Helsing together and then sometime soon after Rachel and I wanna get together with Cody, Daryl, Kylie, and McKynlie, or the 4 Muskateers as she put it. :P

My parents come back on Wednesday...which doesnt leave much room for partying :P Oh well...We gotta clean the house before they get home o.O Dear lord save me o.o

Okay and now my neck hurts from sitting here and typing all this at my sister's evil computer that is deadly silent because i have non of my music on here T.T I'm gonna go...and remind me to change the poem next time I update :P

2004-05-21T19:59:00.000-04:00

Ahh! I wanted to do a post about busch gardens cause it was pretty cool but now i am going to talk mostly about something else...but here's a brief update about busch gardens: Got a henna tattoo and an airbrush, got a cool necklace with a blade with a dragon wrapped around it, went on the river rapids like betty told me to, went on some other rides and such...can't think about it right now though...something else is on my mind.

I hate when people talk about what they don't know! Take Jessy for instance: I didn't wear the low cut shirts for the "asian guy i like". He wasn't even here today so if you don't know what you're talking about don't say anything at all! The first time i wore a low cut shirt...well I dunno I wanted to see what it was like but a girl can have curiosity can't she? You wear low cut shirts all the time. When people were signing my shirt did you see me let anyone sign my boobs? and it was so low cut cause of my sister and just don't ask about that -.- At busch it was so i could get the henna and today it was so i could show people the tattoo. The reason I was wearing a black bra was cause we had only done a load of white, black, and jeans in the laundry. All my black shirts are t-shirts so it would be hard to show people the henna with one on and my white bra was wet because my cat found it and dragged it out onto the poarch and got it dirty so we had to wash it again but it was still wet. And when did I ever say, "My boobs are bigger than yours." When?!

She posts her opinion about me on her blog and says "This'll probably make Ren mad." Damn right it made me mad! I'm not mad that she posted cause that's her blog and she has the right to do that. However, I am mad. Maybe mad of what she thinks of me, maybe mad she sees me as a hoe...I don't know. She called me a hoe...I find that kinda low considering almost all year I've worn jeans and a t-shirt. Does that really qualify me as a hoe? There's a few words that come to mind when I think of her but I won't say them...And no one of them is NOT bitch. I'm not mad at Jessy so much...But I do think she and I need to have a talk.

Also she talks about me doing stuff for Lam and asian guys only like asian guys blah blah blah. Maybe an asian should tell me that, considering Jessy's not asian. Sammy has told me that too...But even if he doesn't like me I still wanna be friends with him. He's cool.

I don't see how Bri and Jessy could say I think highly of myself when just the other day I had an emotional breakdown about my looks and everything. I mean sure I think highly of my brain but that's about it. And what Bri said about jessy being more mature than me or something...I never said Jessy or Bri or Sammy or anyone else wasn't mature! Or even more mature than me! I simply said that I'm more mature than most people our age, most people being people like the pot heads and the kids having sex and stuff at neighborhood schools. The fact is that most people at DC are more mature than those at other schools!

I think that at our school Dianne knows me best. She's so awesome. And Sandra is cool too...Ahh! The penguins! :P Yeah I got ya'lls' message. What was the thing about the skull and the moths? Los :P

Hehe...I like Los...I know it probably won't catch on but I don't care. I'm still gonna say it. :P ^^

School's finally out...Yay...I guess...I guess this summer I've got 5 main goals:
1. Stay away from Jake and hang out with Jackie.
2. Hang out with my friends (Esp. Dianne, Sandra, Kellie, Betty, Rachel, Jackie, Madonna, Kylie, McKynlie, Cody, Daryl, Lam, Co'Relous, Maggie, Jen, Booney, and Ariel...and of course Ali :P)
3. Train for crew and focus on learning some more Japanese phrases and such.
4. Get a tan!!! Me and my white, ghostly self...
5. Work on my works of writing simply because everyone on my bus is constantly asking me, "Did you write anymore?!"

Okay well I'm supposed to call Dianne and Sandra now...yeah...-end post- :P

2004-05-19T22:51:00.000-04:00

I'm sorry...I've been acting kinda funny lately...I guess with this whole bi thing circulating and everyone asking me "Are you really bi?!" my defenses are down...Its taken all my strength not to lie to them...Damn me and my wanting to conform! >.<

Dianne, Bri, Sammie, and Sandra were all trying to help me not to worry about how I look...It makes me sad that I should worry them so much...I don't want to put more trouble on their lives, as hectic as they must be already.

Normally I'm able to bottle up all of these emotions and I like to keep it that way or at least keep it to myself so that i don't trouble my friends with it, because it makes me feel bad.

I dunno there's a lot on my mind...I need to go think things through and pack for Busch Gardens...

2004-05-19T20:45:00.000-04:00

I hate myself...Can't I just die already and save the world from my ugly? v.v;; Sammy, Dianne, Sandra...Ya'll tryed to help...But it didn't really help much...sorry...Maybe I need a shrink...too many damn problems resulting from my childhood...Damn my carefree days...

2004-05-19T18:13:00.000-04:00

Yeah...Check out muh poem *points to the new table thingy titled "Poems"*

2004-05-19T06:43:00.000-04:00

Okay I'm sorry about my post yesterday. A friend brought something to my attention: Saying that Mike and I broke up isn't exactly the whole truth. We're taking time apart so i can get my feelings straightened out. I still care about him a lot...At this point he's like that gay friend that every girl wants...Only Mike's straight ^^

2004-05-18T17:38:00.000-04:00

Arg! I'm waiting for this damn Virus Scan thing to finish so that I can play my new MMORPG. AHH! PAPERCUT! Owwie :( I suppose I can ramble until the virus scan is done.

WOOH! Finals are over! OH YEAH! Rock on! WOOOOOH! Party Time!!! But we have a Science Test tomorrow and because it's my fourth period class I have to miss the French party >.< Spammit! And I've got to do those damn note cards...Meh...Later.

No! Tim's moving today! Dianne's really bummed out. I didn't know him that well but now I can't wave to him on the morning bus! :( Bye Tim! We'll miss you!!!

Yes, I dumped Mike. Don't be too shocked...I don't know whether we'll get back together ever again or not but for now we're just friends. I like someone else but I can't say who cause I don't want someone who doesn't already know to find out and wind up telling him. No! It's no one in the 7th grade! Leave me alone!! >.<

"He" hugged me today! ^_^ Nyu!! And he said when he signs my shirt tomorrow he's gonna give me his phone number and he's gonna email me tomorrow! ^_^ But tomorrow's his last day cause he got suspended for putting Ketchup in a girl's seat. He didn't like the girl :P I'll miss him. But I'm gonna call him! Yay ^_^ I'm kind of obsessive...One day for some odd reason he was wearing foundation on his face and he asked me if I had anything to wipe it off with. I gave him the shirt I had from our light bulb land project and he said it smelled good like me! ^_^ and Now I have the shirt tacted up on my wall and I refuse to wash it. I asked him if I were to dye two strands of my bangs a certain color what should that color be? And he said it should be a dark blue color because girls with blue hair are exotic and sexy ^_^ And he said he wants to grow out two strands of his bangs but leave the rest of his hair short like a guy from an anime I like! That'll be so sexy! ^_^ And when I got my hair straightened he said "Wow! Your hair! Now you have beautiful hair and beautiful eyes." Hehe! This is my first real crush...Hehe...I can't stop thinking about him and when I do I smile ^_^ I'm such a loser ^^

I had a 79.8 is Ms. Simmon's class and I performed my poem for the creative writing assignment because I thought I had to. I then asked her if I could do a monologue as well so that she would raise my grade to an 80 and she said Yes! And she said I write so well that I should go to Douglas Anderson for creative writing! ^_^ That's where "He's" going! He's going for visual arts. Who knows? Maybe someday we can be anime writers together. I'll write and he'll draw ^^ And if not I've always got Madonna to do the visual arts ^^ I want Madonna to go to DA with me and "Him". And while we're on the subject of "Him" I wanna tell you that he painted his fingernails of his left hand black! Yee! So sexy ^^ Oh and Alex says I should go to DA too! Alex Palmer that is. He's going there for acting. See ya there Alex! ^^

Yee! I'm so happy! I have to go now though cause I think my virus scan is finally done :P Bye ^^

2004-05-16T23:04:00.000-04:00

I'm so confused right now...

Up until a little while ago i thought I knew who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with...But I'm beginning to wonder if Jessy was right, right about me and Mike not being forever.

I met these two other guys...and I like them both very much...and I'm so worried...I don't know who I like the most anymore...And I don't know if I'm staying with Mike because I love him or because I feel I must be loyal to him...And I'm worried if I make the wrong decision that I'll have the lost the love of my life...

Mike is beginning to bore me lately...and I don't know...I'm so confused I'm almost to the point of tears...I don't want to hurt anyone...especially not Mike....I really care about him...

Why can't I just date them all at the same time and see who I like more? Life is so confusing....

2004-05-16T21:39:00.000-04:00

Yesturday before we went to freeday Ren was making such a big deal about her being bi. She was saying "If i didnt have mike id be lesbo" Its not like she sees him everyday and besides their relationship is illegal. Its just stupid... ok we found out your bi and Mikes bi, you dont have to make it a big deal.

Its just a cry for attention.

I'm still mad that Jess said that. I'm not mad at her, she's still a good person and all...It just may take me a little while to cool off...I hope I don't snap at her tomorrow. Technically my realtionship with Mike is not illegal. My parents said it was okay, so that makes it perfectly legal. (Don't ask how i know this, I just do...Damn me and my past interest in law)

2004-05-16T00:24:00.000-04:00

well shit ya know what? Jessy...On Friday someone said something about me being bi and then I forgot who asked but someone said "You're bi?" And I'm like "Yeah. So what? There's no problem with it. I like boys and girls. If I didn't have mike I might date a girl but Im quite content as I am" Jessy I think took that the wrong way. I didn't mean I would necesarilly turn lesbo...geez...I'm not THAT gay...give me SOME credit...I merely meant that if I found a girl that I was attracted to i might date her (if she wanted to) But that doesn't mean I won't go out with another guy as long as i live. And Jessy: It was not a cry for attention. I wasn't even the one who brought it up! I just really am bisexual! Oh, wow. I like both sexes! BIG FUCKING DEAL! Like 75% af all girls over 16 are bisexual. I just realized my preferences earlier than most. I was simply trying to clerify things because I didn't want someone to be like "Eww! Don't hit on me!" Or "OMG go make out with a girl then!" or "OMG you fucking homo!" Sorry I sent out the wrong message or whatever.

Whatever...Meh...I'm pissed now...I'm gonna go clean something...or something....

2004-05-15T23:41:00.000-04:00

Omg! I feel like a girl! I'm wearing pantyhose, highheels, a really pretty dress, lip gloss, and getting my eyebrows and hair done and it feels good! I'm kinda trying to impress someone but I won't say anymore, I don't want anything I say to come back to haunt me.

He hasn't emailed me yet! >.< I can't wait til he does ^_^ I wanna have him sign my shirt on either Monday or Tuesday...Probably Monday!]

The banquet was pretty cool. Ali got some awesome awards! I'm so proud! And Booney and Ariel got awards too! ^_^ Yay!

Hmm I don't know what to talk about...I'm gonna have Mike call me and I'm gonna get ready for bed cause I have to acolyte tomorrow...Seeya!

2004-05-14T16:35:00.000-04:00

I'm so happy right now! My Grandmother's slowly recovering, we had a freeday today, we got our project over with, more people know I'm bisexual and don't care, and some other things I can't say in case Mike reads this ^^ <.<

During freeday Madonna and Chris and I went and chucked lightbulbs (that I had from our project) at the wall! It was fun! But then all these 8th graders were like "I want a light bulb! Gimme one! I wanna chuck one!" And I was like "It's not a freaking drug, people!!!" And then Chris and Madonna and I were all singing to Incubus, Linkin Park, and Do as Infinity! It was fun! And Sammy came over and said hey to us. ^_^

The presentation was fun! Rae wasn't there so we were kinda improvising and I had to do the dance XD I was like "Shake shake shake! Shake shake shake! Shake your light bulb! Shake you light bulb! Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Do the light bulb!" It was hilarious! And at the beginning Ollie was plugging in the lamp and it feel and she broke the light bulb and I cut my thumb trying to get it out. She dropped the lamp again at the end XD only that time it didn't break.

On the bus Alice and I kept cracking up for no aparant reason XD And Sophia and I realized we can relate a lot.

Jackie's coming soon! Yay! In June! ^_^ I can't wait! There are so many people she has to meet!

Co'Relous is here! Yay! I wanna go give him a hug! I'm gonna go and think about that other stuff that happened today ^^